1) Watching Eli's feet wriggle as he sounds out words in his head. Both Eli and Michael read with their whole bodies and Eli clearly thinks with his feet.
2) Shane telling Michael he was going to open a restaurant and call his enchiladas "better than a barrette enchiladas" because Michael was chewing on a barrette rather than eating his dinner. You might have had to have been there.
3) Nellie McKay singing Mother of Pearl with the best hook ever: Feminists Don't Have a Sense of Humor, also here
4) Sayonara, Zetsubou-Sensei (Goodbye, Mr Despair!): The Power of Negative Thinking, English manga version
5) Our new electric sweeper that actually cleans our rugs better than the vacuum.
6) Jennika and Vic's bridal/groomal pictures. Cuuuute!
7) Pink clouds in the morning, glowing autumn sunlight in the evening.
8) Eggnog coffee.
9) Baby elephant trays from Ikea.
10) Thick grey alpaca socks from the farmer's market - from local alpaca and local knitters! Local First!
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Sunday, October 4, 2009
Blending
So, one of the coolest findings in my palm reading with MR was this star kinda halfway between the outside of my palm and my life line. MR pointed it out on my left hand but I can see one on my right hand, too. MR called it a "blending" star, because it was situated between spirit and body and she suggested it may be part of my life's work since stars symbolize a point of intense energy and light. I've been thinking about that idea quite a bit since the reading. Here are some of my thoughts:
Perhaps one manifestation of the blending star is my simultaneous fascination with the physical aspects of mind/body (like the actual physical workings of the brain and those pesky molecules of emotion) and with the transcendent/spiritual knowing that seems to come from both outside and within you at the same time. I love to learn how emotions have a physical root and also think emotions are clues to a wider reality (like intuition, precognition, etc). It's taken me a long time to realize that emotions are embodies - not just charged thoughts. Actually feeling emotion in my body has been a revelation to me.
Perhaps the star is an indication of how my intuitive knowing often manifests as a physical knowing. For example, I often feel pulled to a particular place, like there's a compass in my body pointing in a particular direction. If I am giving someone a massage, my hands feel pulled toward tender spots. I have often felt a pull to go down a particular aisle at the store, where I have found something I needed but had not put on the list (this happened just tonight actually). I have felt a pull to go down a particular road, then months later realized my familiarity with that particular road was crucial. My eyes are drawn to correct answers on tests and my hands feel a pull toward the right answer. My hands feel the tarot card I want to look at in readings. My innate sense of direction is very tied to this physical manifestation of intuition.
I'm not sure if anything is non-physical, that is, outside the realm of molecules and atoms. I believe that there is a knower, a choser, that is me, that is an actual thing and that thing has been me since there was anything. I am profoundly influenced by the LDS idea that each of us is, at base, an "intelligence," something that has always existed and will always exist. Orson Scott Card named the "intelligence" an "aiua" in the later Ender books. When I read this little bit from Xenocide, it connected to me in a deep way:
So, I believe on a deep level that "I" am something different than the body "I" live in. Yet my body is also me and I feel on the same deep level that this is the body "I" chose. Blended and blending.
Perhaps one manifestation of the blending star is my simultaneous fascination with the physical aspects of mind/body (like the actual physical workings of the brain and those pesky molecules of emotion) and with the transcendent/spiritual knowing that seems to come from both outside and within you at the same time. I love to learn how emotions have a physical root and also think emotions are clues to a wider reality (like intuition, precognition, etc). It's taken me a long time to realize that emotions are embodies - not just charged thoughts. Actually feeling emotion in my body has been a revelation to me.
Perhaps the star is an indication of how my intuitive knowing often manifests as a physical knowing. For example, I often feel pulled to a particular place, like there's a compass in my body pointing in a particular direction. If I am giving someone a massage, my hands feel pulled toward tender spots. I have often felt a pull to go down a particular aisle at the store, where I have found something I needed but had not put on the list (this happened just tonight actually). I have felt a pull to go down a particular road, then months later realized my familiarity with that particular road was crucial. My eyes are drawn to correct answers on tests and my hands feel a pull toward the right answer. My hands feel the tarot card I want to look at in readings. My innate sense of direction is very tied to this physical manifestation of intuition.
I'm not sure if anything is non-physical, that is, outside the realm of molecules and atoms. I believe that there is a knower, a choser, that is me, that is an actual thing and that thing has been me since there was anything. I am profoundly influenced by the LDS idea that each of us is, at base, an "intelligence," something that has always existed and will always exist. Orson Scott Card named the "intelligence" an "aiua" in the later Ender books. When I read this little bit from Xenocide, it connected to me in a deep way:
I think that we are free, and I don't think it's just an illusion that we believe in because it has survival value. And I think we're free because we aren't just this body, acting out a genetic script. And we aren't some soul that God created out of nothing. We're free because we always existed. Right back from the beginning of time, only there was no beginning of time so we existed all along. Nothing ever caused us. Nothing ever made us. We simply are, and we always were. p. 386, 1991 paperback.Yet, even if we have always existed, our aiuas/intelligences/spirits are powerfully influenced by our bodily experience. How we know things fundamentally changes depending on the particular chemical/hormonal balance in our bodies in any given moment as well as how our childhood experiences shaped the unique neural nets of our brains. Our experiences and worlds shift in meaning and experience with each subtle body change - for example, my skin color, gender, and size have all profoundly shaped my understanding of the world around me. And at a simpler, most basic level, I know that, for myself, my choices are profoundly influenced by things as simple as hunger, thirst, tiredness. I think better, act better, make better/kinder/more loving choices when I am well fed, well rested. I'm a nicer person when my body feels good.
So, I believe on a deep level that "I" am something different than the body "I" live in. Yet my body is also me and I feel on the same deep level that this is the body "I" chose. Blended and blending.
Friday, October 2, 2009
Thursday Thank You (belated . . .)
So, still running with this idea of habitual posting. Again, we'll see if I actually write something like this again next week.
What I am most thankful for this week (and pretty much every week) is my beloved Shane. I must share just one example of how much my dear one takes care of me. I came home from work an hour early yesterday because I was feeling sick. The off-and-on headache and coughing had been popping up all week, but all of a sudden yesterday afternoon I felt very shaky and cold - which for me means fever. When I get a fever my core and head get hot and the rest of my body (basically my extremities) get very cold. Add that to normal fever chills and you get a trembly Amanda.
ANYWAY . . . I noticed when I went to get cash to pay the wonderful woman who watched our boys yesterday that we had less in our checking account than I expected, so instead of jumping straight in the bath when I got home, as I wanted to do, I came up to the computer nook and took a look at our online banking (sorry about the rhyming thing - I get it from my older son). Shane came up and offered me several possibilities for dinner, I chose chicken soup. He brought it up with buttered toast without asking because he just knew that I would want buttered toast with my soup (he was right). Then he brought me more buttered toast. And also offered me the last of the orange juice.
After I was done with the banking stuff, I put myself in that bath. I was still shaking and trembling but baths are very good at normalizing my temperature and the water did its work. While I was in the bath, I heard the unmistakable sound of the heater turning on. Now, mind you, Shane is a frugal man. Last year our heating system did not turn on until late November and the thermostat rarely went above 67 degrees. But he was worried about me so he turned it on anyway without saying anything to me about it.
AND when I finally went to bed, I saw that he had also turned on my heating pad and tucked it under the covers, so the bed would not be cold when I got in. He had already fallen asleep, but he left the light on, in case I wanted to keep reading when I finally came to bed.
The thing that amazes me is that Shane thinks nothing of this kind of stuff. When we first started dating and he kept doing all these kinds of nice things for me, I asked him if he treated all his sweethearts this way. He said yes, but that I was the only one who always said thank you and never expected him to do anything for her or got angry when he did not have the energy to do the caretaker thing. I thought it was weird that his other loves had not thanked him. Actually, I still think it's weird, but after over 10 years of being taken care of like this, I admit to starting to get used to it.
I hope to never take The Amazing Shane for granted or stop appreciating all the ways that he makes my life better. And I also hope that he knows that it is not his caretaking of me that makes me love him so (though I obviously appreciate it). What I love about Shane is his bright & generous soul and his compassionate practicality. I have never met anyone who is more deep-down good, than my beloved. Here's to you, Dear!
ANYWAY . . . I noticed when I went to get cash to pay the wonderful woman who watched our boys yesterday that we had less in our checking account than I expected, so instead of jumping straight in the bath when I got home, as I wanted to do, I came up to the computer nook and took a look at our online banking (sorry about the rhyming thing - I get it from my older son). Shane came up and offered me several possibilities for dinner, I chose chicken soup. He brought it up with buttered toast without asking because he just knew that I would want buttered toast with my soup (he was right). Then he brought me more buttered toast. And also offered me the last of the orange juice.
After I was done with the banking stuff, I put myself in that bath. I was still shaking and trembling but baths are very good at normalizing my temperature and the water did its work. While I was in the bath, I heard the unmistakable sound of the heater turning on. Now, mind you, Shane is a frugal man. Last year our heating system did not turn on until late November and the thermostat rarely went above 67 degrees. But he was worried about me so he turned it on anyway without saying anything to me about it.
AND when I finally went to bed, I saw that he had also turned on my heating pad and tucked it under the covers, so the bed would not be cold when I got in. He had already fallen asleep, but he left the light on, in case I wanted to keep reading when I finally came to bed.
The thing that amazes me is that Shane thinks nothing of this kind of stuff. When we first started dating and he kept doing all these kinds of nice things for me, I asked him if he treated all his sweethearts this way. He said yes, but that I was the only one who always said thank you and never expected him to do anything for her or got angry when he did not have the energy to do the caretaker thing. I thought it was weird that his other loves had not thanked him. Actually, I still think it's weird, but after over 10 years of being taken care of like this, I admit to starting to get used to it.
I hope to never take The Amazing Shane for granted or stop appreciating all the ways that he makes my life better. And I also hope that he knows that it is not his caretaking of me that makes me love him so (though I obviously appreciate it). What I love about Shane is his bright & generous soul and his compassionate practicality. I have never met anyone who is more deep-down good, than my beloved. Here's to you, Dear!
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