tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10208772678920999462023-11-16T06:37:59.821-07:00One McPeck TallA small and infrequent dose of AmandaUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger64125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1020877267892099946.post-22446914668994387882013-03-22T14:27:00.002-06:002013-03-22T15:18:30.362-06:00Blogging now primarily at Turtle PathI'm finding I have far more to say over at<a href="http://privateturtle.blogspot.com/" target="_blank"> turtle path</a> than I do here, so I am making this hiatus a likely permanent retirement. We'll see, right?<br />
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I post a lot of links over at facebook, so if you know me and we are not yet facebook friends, drop me a friend request.<br />
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You can also follow me over at Pinterest as <a href="http://pinterest.com/onemcpeck/" target="_blank">onemcpeck</a> or go see my far less frequent <a href="http://onemcpeck.tumblr.com/" target="_blank">tumbly things</a> blog, also called OneMcPeckTall. I mostly list the books I've read over at <a href="http://www.goodreads.com/user/show/5840579-amanda" target="_blank">goodreads</a> now.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1020877267892099946.post-72811818103578417262012-08-22T09:21:00.002-06:002012-08-22T09:25:42.441-06:00Pain is . . .<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">So, I came down with a cold. Had a massive headache Tuesday morning, thought it was a baby migraine, but by evening I was sneezing and snuffling, and by bedtime I was chugging the Nyquil.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Just as I was falling asleep, I felt a surge of pressure pain in my forehead and, in my typical fashion, I tried to mentally block and run away from the pain. Then a thought came to me, a soft very-back of the mind thought, which said, "Pain is just Nature's way of saying, 'Hey, you're not dead yet!'"</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Funny thing is, as soon as I thought that, the pain lessened it's grip on me. And that was a good thing.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>Today's lesson has been brought to you by N<a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0660630/quotes">ostradamus "Bull" Shannon</a> (quote is at bottom of page) and <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0751482/quotes">Ares, God of War</a>.</i></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1020877267892099946.post-38305381991807758642012-05-14T12:04:00.001-06:002012-05-14T21:36:12.302-06:00Mottos for the Year<div>
Don't let yesterday use up too much of today. <br />
- Will Rogers<br />
And<br />
The world is full of cactus but you don't have to sit on it.<br />
- proverb from cute Mary Engelbreit and Co gift bag<br />
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<img height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh8RrfMJSSABHXQ8NCf7uq8rBYfIoEu32LHz-p2QAdoZGQhbYlMPe-ujE9NWFx8phGLHzn74IOxZpW5jkpAIm4yXo588wTL7ztg0j2rijtcvGfO84ggNndFjZrV9F44tGyuypQ3nED2vIl1//" width="400" /></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1020877267892099946.post-91476987225084774012012-05-06T20:52:00.004-06:002012-05-06T20:52:37.728-06:00Random Pictures of the GardenIn lieu of actual posting, since my writing energy is now going toward my private blog. If you'd like to be invited to my private blog (which is about my personal spiritual journey) send me an email message and I will add you.<br />
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And now for pictures:<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEja901Kty6FbZDpAWHIMk2lr9Dc1NF0EBn99vkVRc0Y-5jOsOW4BJ7f6hMTgiRT5eG6rBWwrDPSWTMwYd90LHJ2nUfnq37vYUYjrfJ5Kc2BZq1ZzOc-zRs2UCe92Wl-besz7gr7QQ6Xp4yk/s1600/from+Amanda's+Tablet+1086.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEja901Kty6FbZDpAWHIMk2lr9Dc1NF0EBn99vkVRc0Y-5jOsOW4BJ7f6hMTgiRT5eG6rBWwrDPSWTMwYd90LHJ2nUfnq37vYUYjrfJ5Kc2BZq1ZzOc-zRs2UCe92Wl-besz7gr7QQ6Xp4yk/s320/from+Amanda's+Tablet+1086.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">dwarf catnip</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh02P2qnllWLZPDUDb_R6qtG4_a980dEoZhLIDUK9z1SHgUOdjLAXEcLwE7i1Xsnep3SWoi4TOhLSJRQZ_lImDeZ-LRpWYER2A4Qm7L98-RsKcr10xwEcXgtfN-cNnKbQS3X6y2_U5S8c8d/s1600/from+Amanda's+Tablet+975.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh02P2qnllWLZPDUDb_R6qtG4_a980dEoZhLIDUK9z1SHgUOdjLAXEcLwE7i1Xsnep3SWoi4TOhLSJRQZ_lImDeZ-LRpWYER2A4Qm7L98-RsKcr10xwEcXgtfN-cNnKbQS3X6y2_U5S8c8d/s320/from+Amanda's+Tablet+975.jpg" width="241" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">fire rosebush getting firey</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhttbNBwM6QBFLFzQVW4P5-8sMxC_tspOdgZHWuxCxVulo6ofFPIbF-vNqICJIHuntiICOyCmdfO-eEBrBQrJ-WFtACStmMUM4i50LQS7RA8xWDbheh_FE1CxYxH7xqTS7TXo8lRlpBHaji/s1600/from+Amanda's+Tablet+1076.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhttbNBwM6QBFLFzQVW4P5-8sMxC_tspOdgZHWuxCxVulo6ofFPIbF-vNqICJIHuntiICOyCmdfO-eEBrBQrJ-WFtACStmMUM4i50LQS7RA8xWDbheh_FE1CxYxH7xqTS7TXo8lRlpBHaji/s320/from+Amanda's+Tablet+1076.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Penny's favorite ruffled peach roses</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpuK-iN5UQJJTiNA6CHfCJl2IYkDFBeO281HBKTRpNqkcDzH6hLiR0qeCue851JzKbmcrjsgcu_3ysYtoPy0dunMFLFNHDlZkUP00JswMHxLk3MjuQ3n5RuFMhFDSGRAIwr7Lx6G3hUl9s/s1600/from+Amanda's+Tablet+1074.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpuK-iN5UQJJTiNA6CHfCJl2IYkDFBeO281HBKTRpNqkcDzH6hLiR0qeCue851JzKbmcrjsgcu_3ysYtoPy0dunMFLFNHDlZkUP00JswMHxLk3MjuQ3n5RuFMhFDSGRAIwr7Lx6G3hUl9s/s1600/from+Amanda's+Tablet+1074.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">blue/purple iris</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgfJjT8Q_tDQK-r_NhCZzMpE_gigafrmyqI054wI-PF5WUl7RdeQj5gTc4hogIKEIozdZPkb6uH75bU-SnaJ5dskMdYbLM_G1vNUsMREtF9I_13ibJoyMHx8GRobTa6If2DyuGa-oQqT2uY/s1600/from+Amanda's+Tablet+1042.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgfJjT8Q_tDQK-r_NhCZzMpE_gigafrmyqI054wI-PF5WUl7RdeQj5gTc4hogIKEIozdZPkb6uH75bU-SnaJ5dskMdYbLM_G1vNUsMREtF9I_13ibJoyMHx8GRobTa6If2DyuGa-oQqT2uY/s1600/from+Amanda's+Tablet+1042.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Dr C and E's turtles</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVDuZt9vp-jk2tmyOGqNgbheicSDCfesX1G_kyyD_lEGOcX7ni5Ab7sjEpcw1gK0gbU7oVujd8YWXXpXNNZaFp_nCZ-aOGdw-fkgSEeqoJYpSXTNoF1lG_Oa8Sh678353TlKXlvyCXuTT6/s1600/from+Amanda's+Tablet+1087.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVDuZt9vp-jk2tmyOGqNgbheicSDCfesX1G_kyyD_lEGOcX7ni5Ab7sjEpcw1gK0gbU7oVujd8YWXXpXNNZaFp_nCZ-aOGdw-fkgSEeqoJYpSXTNoF1lG_Oa8Sh678353TlKXlvyCXuTT6/s320/from+Amanda's+Tablet+1087.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">pentstemon / beardtongue</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJNwQv8zzcdGOjwENdAY0Pc1Kbpzy7YabCXG_p2QhdicFfFJx2Zd1zm_xL9Ro5OAHexXGF2dG4LfjDmUQCT4bcCrrCIo7w8JlJHlN7Qxk1A4nkax8Vd2f_g85zCHO6zQUc0TyWsjRjoffV/s1600/from+Amanda's+Tablet+1099.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="241" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJNwQv8zzcdGOjwENdAY0Pc1Kbpzy7YabCXG_p2QhdicFfFJx2Zd1zm_xL9Ro5OAHexXGF2dG4LfjDmUQCT4bcCrrCIo7w8JlJHlN7Qxk1A4nkax8Vd2f_g85zCHO6zQUc0TyWsjRjoffV/s320/from+Amanda's+Tablet+1099.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Evidence of my good mommy-ness: no only did I give E all those pictures of animals,<br />I let him put them on the wall and make my print go all eskew-y</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1020877267892099946.post-14908511685892730132012-01-14T20:27:00.006-07:002012-01-19T11:12:00.072-07:00Things I've Been Thinking AboutSo, I do think about blogging more regularly, truly I do. In fact, for the last 6 months I've been writing down random notes to myself regarding things I'd like to blog about. But I've never actually gotten around to writing full paragraphs about these ideas, so I decided to just post the random notes. Let me know if there's anything you'd like me to expand upon.<br />
<br />
Consciously resting and taking time for myself as a way to soothe and care for my bodily self - i.e. moving away from a purely mind-identified life/self. Ironically, doing this helps me accomplish my mind-centered tasks (for example, writing a legal brief) easier and more efficient. So more time resting and nurturing my body = more productive mental energy time. Weird, I know.<br />
<br />
If I stop revisiting a particular memory, does that mean I've gained all I need from that moment? Have I actually managed to move on? If that is the case, then awesome, awesome, awesome.<br />
<br />
In October my women's support group encouraged me to unsubscribe, unplug, stop reading/listening to everyone else's thoughts and write some of my own. I unsubscribed from several over-posty types of blogs, gave up on a few podcasts, deleted some "samples" from my Kindle. What a sweet, sweet relief that was. And now I spend a least a few moments each day writing notes to myself. Not so much a journal, or maybe it is, if writing three or four incomplete sentences a day can be considered a journal.<br />
<br />
Do dreams of rearranging, refurbishing, renovating my home (but not actually my house) = fixing up the house of my mind? And why is it that dreams of "my" house never remotely resemble an actual dwelling/building I've visited in the "real" world?<br />
<br />
The social requirement for women to be thin, yet to never appear to be hungry. I notice this is a particularly middle-class requirement. In fact, the better off you are financially/materially, the less you are supposed to eat and the more food you are supposed to leave on your plate.<br />
<br />
What is the difference between being nourished and well-fed? Or are they the same thing, really?<br />
<br />
The awesomeness of my daily notes to myself and my Book of Me (thanks <a href="http://www.fluentself.com/">Havi</a>!).<br />
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Okay, blogger's being weird, so I think I'll just post these for now. I have more notes, but I'll type those up later. :D<br />
<br />
Oh, and here's a cute picture that never fails to make me smile (this is E, with crazy piggies):<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOWBdxkqrtKbaT9vegNzQTNh7_CaX6_DL6BcAa9nLxW9R0AjXe0aHEH_Pa1hfaomeaBk0h7ChKBgn7yoOgg3ZVcOGZFp_YqTS726xedgL8urrraBf9wc371ejGu-naeWLUgiseqQ145ZEk/s1600/Eli+Yotsuba+1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOWBdxkqrtKbaT9vegNzQTNh7_CaX6_DL6BcAa9nLxW9R0AjXe0aHEH_Pa1hfaomeaBk0h7ChKBgn7yoOgg3ZVcOGZFp_YqTS726xedgL8urrraBf9wc371ejGu-naeWLUgiseqQ145ZEk/s320/Eli+Yotsuba+1.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1020877267892099946.post-30421879206718358912011-07-02T13:52:00.000-06:002011-07-02T13:52:31.644-06:00The only weird thing about all this is that nothing about it feels weird . . .<div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif; font-size: large;"><i style="color: #b45f06;"><b>Aka: The Story of Max</b></i> </span></div><br />
So, I had written a post about this on Thursday night, but, seriously, blogger for android ate my post. Thus, I am trying again from a real computer.<br />
<br />
In late March 2011, our beloved dog, Sophie, passed away. We say she's gone to the big dog park in the sky (you know, the place with the eternally interesting new smells). We knew we would eventually want another dog, but the loss was just too great to get a new dog immediately. Sophie was my baby-dog. We got her 10 years ago, shortly before I became pregnant with M. She was there through both boylios babyhood & young childhood - she was even there when E was born. Sophie was smart, curious, gentle and sweet. I still miss her dearly. Here are two of my favorite pictures of Sophie B. Dogg:<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjT5wRvw6opZ68uwhl29FM2AgMPQ0pRLjSNFd11zAvaHswSl3CPa1q8YhpUKh5avhFugMn59Br249vwN8ug6mIDXDAouP3wRPgb0Ze4rHWdn_nyo82XWoPAOc0HTyy2bisryQAX1ILaiXcc/s1600/Sophie.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjT5wRvw6opZ68uwhl29FM2AgMPQ0pRLjSNFd11zAvaHswSl3CPa1q8YhpUKh5avhFugMn59Br249vwN8ug6mIDXDAouP3wRPgb0Ze4rHWdn_nyo82XWoPAOc0HTyy2bisryQAX1ILaiXcc/s320/Sophie.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Sophie taking a rest after a long hike</td></tr>
</tbody></table><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3fuwuQvse0yaw_AOAtbnT-duLsZJELrzqaRx9huI4gjsAiR03cgB5TywAbothmhgdbxdU1vo433sxpZ-1FwHcP6SsUS2yOZCA5oGpNOqld5GdMh-o0mbZuRMnF6YX7Krq_J_3l1FSOBCL/s1600/Sophie+Isn%2527t+So+Sure.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3fuwuQvse0yaw_AOAtbnT-duLsZJELrzqaRx9huI4gjsAiR03cgB5TywAbothmhgdbxdU1vo433sxpZ-1FwHcP6SsUS2yOZCA5oGpNOqld5GdMh-o0mbZuRMnF6YX7Krq_J_3l1FSOBCL/s320/Sophie+Isn%2527t+So+Sure.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Sophie is skeptical . . .</td></tr>
</tbody></table>We went to a pet adoption fair in May, but we still weren't ready yet, even though we met several cute dogs. My heart broke when we met a sweet old doggy about the same age as Sophie - I knew I couldn't lose another pet again so soon though. Shane was thinking we might wait until the fall to get a new dog. We talked about breeds we might like - even considering getting a "Konnichi-huachua."<br />
<br />
Well, the plan to wait till fall got changed Thursday night. After dinner, I suggested we go for a walk. We randomly decided to walk down 400 East. When we approached a certain house, a small dog who kinda looked like a black Sophie with a stubby tail came out to great us. He smiled at us, smelling and licking my & M's fingers through the chain link fence. The owner, Adri, stepped out into the yard and commented how strange it was that Max wasn't barking at us. We said we liked dogs and told her about Sophie.<br />
<br />
Then she said, "Max is actually available for adoption." She told us how her circumstances had changed and she needed to find Max a home with kids who could keep up with his masculine energy. She indicated that he wasn't doing so good in a house that already had three dogs, although she had raised him and trained him for the past two years. Shane commented about how that's why we ended up adopting Sophie, too. We came into the yard to greet Max and he immediately started licking the boys, enthusiastically wagging his tail. We decided to take him for a walk to see how he did with us without Adri nearby.<br />
<br />
On the walk I asked Shane if he was okay to get another dog. He said, "It kinda seems like he's already adopted us." I heartily agreed! We brought him back and said we would like to take Max home. Adri started crying and said how very happy she was, and how miraculous it was that he happened to find us. Some neighbors came out to say goodbye to Max, one commenting on how calm he was acting, even though he was surrounded by four apparent strangers!<br />
<br />
So we brought Max home and he settled right in. He loves sniffing around our yard. He is definitely a bird dog - he barks to let us know when he's found one - and he thinks he can chase motorbikes of all kinds. He likes to sleep in our bed. He's very cuddly and happy. We've taken him back by Adri's house a couple times to say hello. He loves to see her and his old friends, but within a few minutes he's ready to keep walking with us.<br />
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Here are a few pictures of our new buddy Maxi-million:<br />
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Thank you so much, Adri, for teaching Max to be such a good doggy and for letting us make Max a member of our family.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1020877267892099946.post-14099836998597337602011-06-26T22:05:00.001-06:002011-06-26T22:05:41.530-06:00Trying to blog from my phone<div><p>So this is an expirement, conducted from our back patio, listening to Jill Scott & enjoying the third glass of "no detectable sulfite" wine, 'cause I have allergies.</p>
<p>It's been an awesome few days. We've spent lots of time @ the Utah Arts Festival. M seems to enjoy watching dance. E not so much, unless there are leaps involved. The boyos got bear marionettes, which they love. </p>
<p>Plus, I've actually accomplished a few needed household tasks, which is truly amazing. I've listened to several awesome podcasts while cleaning & laundering, which made it way easier. What's amazing to me is how engaging in a fairly mindless task (like hanging laundry) sharpens my focus on what I'm listening to -- so much so that when I return to the same physical location later on I can recall exactly what I was listening to earlier. I've noticed the same phenomenon working on puzzles.</p>
<p>Also, Rene Marie's <i>Voice of My Beautiful Country</i> is simply impeccable, haunting & inspiring. You should take a listen, seriously.</p>
<br/><img src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj3NLxCVJ1hHgmcKy95HB8-U3FSjRxaRbSe9NpGl2W07PSoRZDNT6YYenOAguJX72aXoczmQ1kdGB1YptwM3ZGG8QRM28-Z1oqhhllnmrjahCFl6WK04C_P-IyTr-_MPv1AIQxSQkJY1gIt//' /></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1020877267892099946.post-81468386603675684502011-06-21T23:11:00.000-06:002011-06-21T23:11:24.374-06:00Pondering blogging again . . .So clearly I haven't blogged in a very long time. I've been following <a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/02576633933996685480" rel="nofollow">My5wmd</a>'s advice and letting the blog serve me by basically not doing anything with it. I have many thoughts that I think I should write down, but then I just let those thoughts just float on down the stream. And I kind of like it that way. Because if I focus on how I would put my thoughts into a blog post, I totally lose contact with that present moment of thought.<br />
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I think it's like how carrying a camera around can totally focus your attention while simultaneously making you miss everything that's not on the camera viewer. The other night Shane, the boylios and I walked over to Liberty Park. I brought our camera and my phone (which has a camera). At one point I got so immersed playing with camera settings and snapping pics, I lost track of my family, who had continued walking on. And I noticed I was focused on the pictures I was taking, instead of the sunset itself. So I put the camera away. Still got some awesome photos though:<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlnR982N5js0or4dmSNIamUb5YqDUi2zYfrA-tzOsTt1BpLafv0gDix4jBG5qTtsoaCDnHqBKEwOj2FVlCpnqHcke_HsJrt53afUbEGXKHj_hQqa35l4vlOs1MQkf-oVNErL9okowtikg_/s1600/June+2011_187.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzFpZgSoCVP3ZCySsLqBWZnrMierQ9fAgJZ6bcMgPvfW3NoacXVDpJqiuxNn4qhlWsb4BHw6SOOCCA1Q-AtyMGv0ZxFBe3y1egS4Nj2uiMbqEg9Brh38HnzilR60GEm-oVemkXiGn14ilG/s1600/June+2011_171.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzFpZgSoCVP3ZCySsLqBWZnrMierQ9fAgJZ6bcMgPvfW3NoacXVDpJqiuxNn4qhlWsb4BHw6SOOCCA1Q-AtyMGv0ZxFBe3y1egS4Nj2uiMbqEg9Brh38HnzilR60GEm-oVemkXiGn14ilG/s320/June+2011_171.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmu39VU02Sdv_Cbi4t0MlkoE75Znns3u8v8BKCmJmouuTyL5BPC7drhL6lzG8X59ymGwAanXq9N9eiiiNWeyDji40fp8IMyGZpMTX9ONEoYu9THu3cN6fmM0HwtUnPkSMlAmZ5iGbnXETv/s1600/June+2011_169.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmu39VU02Sdv_Cbi4t0MlkoE75Znns3u8v8BKCmJmouuTyL5BPC7drhL6lzG8X59ymGwAanXq9N9eiiiNWeyDji40fp8IMyGZpMTX9ONEoYu9THu3cN6fmM0HwtUnPkSMlAmZ5iGbnXETv/s320/June+2011_169.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I like the light on the water in this one</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCnr9QRXEZMalmkU77EpmPmThAwLvQ0zpDlQ6fYBqEB1KnFmHjCVNF7C0JM6YbgTOHhL1fA7Q7c8LJmsQnzA7M7SpWbDQjAQRJwVubuuttlfYskTW-F8eiRsmKxpMqRC6ADdhEzzSNmFld/s1600/June+2011_179.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="239" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCnr9QRXEZMalmkU77EpmPmThAwLvQ0zpDlQ6fYBqEB1KnFmHjCVNF7C0JM6YbgTOHhL1fA7Q7c8LJmsQnzA7M7SpWbDQjAQRJwVubuuttlfYskTW-F8eiRsmKxpMqRC6ADdhEzzSNmFld/s320/June+2011_179.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Changing the setting brings out the rose tones</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXVCwMSsaqRKc7DlEXSmKSVcPVz4hkhrwWfcJVaD8Em5jQJcIhPZKIybHi2NqGQ2Jby36yqzZlwhQjkZ9hF49shztem0vpQA2ACpWyqkGcT_0vakaO4Jr58uvgYODx5soTD0OHtGHHYRVO/s1600/June+2011_181.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="239" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXVCwMSsaqRKc7DlEXSmKSVcPVz4hkhrwWfcJVaD8Em5jQJcIhPZKIybHi2NqGQ2Jby36yqzZlwhQjkZ9hF49shztem0vpQA2ACpWyqkGcT_0vakaO4Jr58uvgYODx5soTD0OHtGHHYRVO/s320/June+2011_181.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Here the settings make the picture look like it was taken right at dusk</td></tr>
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Of course, even though I'm not blogging, I still facebook constantly (as all of you who follow me already know). So maybe there's not really time in my life for both. Hmmm . . . Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1020877267892099946.post-11400540259792517122010-10-07T08:25:00.000-06:002010-10-07T08:25:24.682-06:00The Transitional Inch Worm - Photos!<span style="color: red; font-size: x-large;">Yay, pictures!!</span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJ3IlGm3nkP-3famd5oWD6x5fyfAiUhAGrvL9AijzpGjQCAOkpwsIFr_nVpRAvZaWs-Jr2J9Jr5cQNgYPmAhCZMiaAXYYxxUhfa6hyphenhyphen1K7pJYwtvKoBWH-qq6aqWe5fTrlXtkkvp_Kd0k3g/s320/Portrait+of+an+Inch+Worm+2.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="320" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Profile View</td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjE2nOfGuqIyUiqrH0c8j_hiEIyZZYCdc9BEL-WwZkqL_Tmf6OqT9BsZeBexOA68STR_WT8k24teCkWvTjN5wq9IaYced7wvaJN4YIyv-BP8r-4eTcFcKsvZHP5jhlOp4uyrt0FE_zlK_FZ/s320/Portrait+of+an+Inch+Worm.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="320" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Smiling and right atcha service Ma'am!</td></tr>
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<div style="color: lime;"> <b><span style="font-size: large;">Isn't she just the cutest little worm? I wish I could capture her in action better. In real life there's more blue to her green (about the color of this type), but she is also hard shiny plastic, and hard shiny plastic creates a glare when flashed upon, and I had to tweak the photos a bit so you could see the detail.</span></b></div><div style="color: lime;"><b><span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></b></div><b><span style="color: lime; font-size: large;">And now to wind her up so I can transition to work!</span></b>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1020877267892099946.post-23449218428225765012010-10-03T17:43:00.017-06:002010-10-03T17:56:33.925-06:00Birthday Reading, Relaxation, Transitional Inch Worms & Other Random Stuff<span style="font-size: large;"><b>Birthday Tarot Reading</b></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><b> </b></span> <br />
<span style="font-size: small;">My birthday always feels like my own personal New Year's Day holiday - a day for me to think about the outgoing year, the upcoming year, my hopes/dream/wishes and design/dream/plan a pathway through it all. I decided to get a reading with <a href="http://www.margaretruth.com/">Margaret Ruth</a> for my birthday (<a href="http://onemcpeck.blogspot.com/2009/09/margaret-ruth-side-door-other-findings.html">again</a>) to assist in this processing. MR assisted me with a traditional tarot card reading, asking my guides/angels/committee about what I needed to do for what comes next in my life. And the answer was, RELAX. Chill. Enjoy. Be happy. How awesome of an answer is that?! Seems this answer is also something I've been exploring for awhile (see <a href="http://onemcpeck.blogspot.com/2009/10/tuesday-ten-belated.html">here</a> and <a href="http://onemcpeck.blogspot.com/2010/01/random-thoughts-for-new-year.html">here</a>) and I like getting reinforcement from my spiritual helpers.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;">MR mentioned that my guides said I was blocking their answers. That feels true to me - I have a tendency to resist relaxation. However, I have found that when I try to force myself to do stuff, my body will resist me by getting sick or exhausted. I when I try to force myself to relax when there's real work to be done, my body will resist me by going into anxiety overload. When I do what is needful (i.e. don't resist doing things when things really do need doing, don't resist resting when resting is needed) and keep breathing through it all, my life works and I don't get sick all the time. (Ever so not-surprisingly, the guides also mentioned that if I would keep with the relax motto my health would improve.) So, there you have it: The Plan for the Year - Relax. Which leads me to my next topic . . .</span><br />
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<b><span style="font-size: large;">Relaxation<span style="font-size: small;"> </span></span></b><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;">I am not particularly skilled at relaxing. As I mentioned above, I have this habit of worrying my way through rest so that my "resting" time isn't actually restful. </span><span style="font-size: small;">I've been learning for the past year various ways to actually engage the relaxation response and turn off my brain when I'm relaxing. Sometimes, if thoughts keep interrupting my rest, I just have to get up and do whatever is bugging me, and then I can relax. Other time, I have to just accept the worrying as a part of my brain without clicking into that frantic-worry-space in my head. </span><span style="font-size: small;">I've also realized that I have to make space for relaxing - mark that I am moving from "productive" space to "creative" space, if you will. Which leads me to my next topic . . .</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: small;"> </span></span><br />
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<b><span style="font-size: large;">Inch Worms<span style="font-size: small;"> </span></span></b><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;">So the <b>transitional inch worm </b>is a little wind-up toy I got at the Discovery Gateway store. Whenever I've feeling like I'm stuck in a place and need some help inching out of it, I wind it up. She then scoots along the table merrily, helping me release my attachment to the task that is done already, and onto whatever needs attention next. <a href="http://fluentself.com/">Havi</a> inspired this idea.</span><br />
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<b><span style="font-size: large;">Random Stuff</span></b><br />
<ul><li><span style="font-size: small;">Looking for a particular book discussed on <a href="http://3quarksdaily.com/">3 Quarks Daily</a> I found a new book to be published by OSC, Pathfinder. At first glance, it looks like the kind of book I like to read by Mr. Card - realistic people with magical abilities attempting to make their way through a charged moral universe. What a nice little bit of accidental findings.</span></li>
</ul><ul><li><span style="font-size: small;">Going on a gentle, ride-around-the-park-twice, bike ride with the kids was sweet and wonderful. The best part was <i>just doing it</i> instead of putting it off, putting it off, then it starts raining and <i>not doing it.</i></span></li>
</ul><span style="font-size: small;">Now I am going to just do the thing that keeps popping in my head.</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1020877267892099946.post-10219091730762270262010-08-08T14:25:00.063-06:002010-08-08T18:20:00.340-06:00The "it's been a few months, perhaps I should write something" postTwo posts and several months ago, I blamed my lack of writing on a busy schedule of judgifying (no that's not really a word) and teachifying (ditto). Apparently my lack of writing is due to something else. I now blame sunshine, hiking, and lazy evenings sipping wine on the patio with Dr. C. Ahh, summer. Isn't it just AWESOME!<br />
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I have written a few blog posts in my head this summer, mostly as I'm biking home from work. Then I remind myself to enjoy the ride, the sunshine, the trees, the mountains . . . and I forget what I was going to blog about. Oh well!<br />
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I was re-reading my post about my <a href="http://onemcpeck.blogspot.com/2009/01/new-years-intentionshopes.html">2009 intentions</a> and realized I have not really changed my intentions much. This one got to me:<br />
<blockquote>So, my biggest intention this year is to simply be with whatever my feelings are and not try to force myself into some half-formed ideal.</blockquote>Still working on this, think I will be for a long time. I noticed when I went to my 20-year high school reunion last night that I was doing some of the forced-feeling thing. Not in the "wow I am so happy to see you (not)" way but in the "I don't care if anyone notices how fat and unstylish I am" way. Only after I gave up on all that did things get fun. Big surprise there, eh? And I realized this morning how, well, nervous I was and that I acted all weird trying to hide my nervousness from myself. What a colossal waste of time. On the other hand, nervousness got me to paint my toenails a delicious shade of teal.<br />
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Some of the things we planted didn't survive, like the Coral Canyon Twinspur, the thyme, the various stonecrops, flox and sedums (I just did not water them enough), a couple of the newest penstemons. There's one corner of the front walk that's really hard on plants. The walk also faces west, so it gets intense sun in the afternoon. The shrubs are growing very slowly - we hope they are building good root systems.<br />
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As for the food plants: the tomatoes have really taken off, as have our berry canes. The corn is tiny and most of the broccoli has been more bitter than it should be. Good greens and herbs. We have both intentional and volunteer squashes. We have no insect pest problems because there is a flock of about two-dozen quail who nest in the old pheasant cages next door. They swoop into the garden every morning and eat all the bugs. (They also enjoy baby plants - that was an adventure.) After the fall harvest, we intend to till everything we can and sow a late soil-building crop. Year by year the land will get better and produce more, we hope. We also need to do more tree pruning, to let some light in.<br />
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You might have noticed that I changed the layout of the blog. I thought that having the rain motif might encourage the monsoon season to, you know, create some actual rain. I also created better links to some cool blogs. I will hopefully be updating my reading lists soon. <br />
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Well, I think that's sufficient updatey-ness. Hope you are also enjoying your summer!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1020877267892099946.post-89304782391288203232010-05-31T14:55:00.002-06:002010-08-08T18:14:48.191-06:00What we planted – Year TwoAs I have noted before, we specifically bought a house with a lot of yard so we could be more self-sustaining. I think a big part of sustainability is providing food for wild pollinators, so we've bought many native flowers. Our basic plan is to get rid of all the noxious weeds and replace them with site-appropriate flowers and food gardens. We’ve eliminated weeds as best we can in the actual flower/produce beds and around the roses. I plan to expand the beds out every week and covering the cleared area with mulch. Some of the weeds we don’t mind so much – like the Persian carpet, which is pretty and shallowly rooted. Others, like little mallow and bindweed are more destructive and competitive with beneficial plants. Getting rid of those is our first priority and we try to remove them everywhere, not just in the beds. We are also attacking the dandelions, which are beneficial plants but Shane is very allergic to them. I think of weed replacement as a kind of war – choosing battlegrounds, establishing and maintaining a perimeter, that sort of thing. One day we hope to vanquish the “enemy” but given that it likely took 10 years of neglect to “ruin” our yard, it will probably take 10 years of effort to “fix” it. <br />
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We don't plan to put down any sod – with Liberty Park and the kids' school within easy walking distance we don't see the need for a grassy spot of our own. Shane is pretty much in charge of the food bearing plants and I’m in charge of the flowers. I love veg gardens, but don’t have the time to care for them. Shane isn’t working as many hours as I am this summer so he has more time for the more intensive care food gardens need. Anyway, we have planted many native flowers, because they require little extra water and support wild bees, plus they just look awesome! The non-native perennials we’ve bought mostly need very little additional watering. Some of the perennials we planted last year have really taken off and others didn’t survive the winter. I need to ensure I cut back the perennials before the snow gets heavy next year. We bought the native perennials from Wasatch Gardens and Millcreek Gardens. They were mostly grown by Perennial Favorites (perennialfavoritesnursery), Plant Select® For the Rocky Mountain and Plains States, and Intermountain Native Plant Growers Association (utahschoice.org). <br />
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I hope to fill the front yard on the sides of the walk with bushes and perennials, with a winding, stepping-stone path for enjoying the scents and sights. The front yard came with some amazing, well-established roses in the center-front of both sides of the walk, and some not-so-well-established roses along the fence and front of the house. There is also a baby's breath bush that I suspect is quite old as it grew out about 4 feet wide and 4 feet tall last summer, even though it was pruned to the stump. The front yard also has a Tree of Heaven, which Shane has pruned vigorously. We actually hope to get rid of this tree and replace it with a nut tree some day. Tea roses, grape hyacinth, and irises surround the tree. There is another huge tea rose on the southwest corner of the house. We have to prune the one by the house so we can walk by it. The tea roses smell divine. The larger roses also smell nice.<br />
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The side yard also came with huge roses – we suspect one particular bush is over 50 years old – plus a few new, smaller rose bushes. We established a small strawberry patch last year by the faucet (it gets all the water run off, which minimizes watering time for us) and replaced a patch of goat’s heads with berry bushes. This year we've put in some low-water-need perennials along the house.<br />
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Huge box elder trees dominate the middle back yard. We tried a vegetable garden there last year, but the shade made the corn sad. The tomatoes did all right, as did some herbs and the Brussels sprouts, so we are trying a different mix of veggies this year in that area. When I think of how this part of the yard was completely infested with goat’s heads when we moved in, I am amazed at our progress.<br />
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The "very back" yard (behind the garage) also has some huge box elder trees. We planted two apples and a plum out there last year. We eventually hope to have a mini-orchard out there, but for now we are filling out the space with vegetables. Shane has planted a variety of tomatoes, peppers, squash, cauliflower, and onions. He intends to put in corn and beans later on. The cold weather has probably stunted our tomatoes and peppers, but we’re hoping they’ll still be reasonably productive.<br />
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Okay, so here’s the perennial plant list. Newest plants are in bold. Descriptions from the plant tags are in quotes, unless otherwise noted.<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Front Yard</span><br />
<br />
<strong>Front strip:</strong><br />
Last year we tried two Atriplex Canescens (Four-Winged Saltbush) but neither survived the winter – we think they got stepped on under the snow. Many people we don't know park in front of our house, then step on the front strip to get to the sidewalk. We are trying to direct traffic a bit and encourage them to walk on the pathway we laid down instead of our plants, which they did in the summer but apparently the snow obscured the path. Anyway, we replaced one saltbush with:<br />
<em><strong>Fallugia Paradoxa </strong></em>(Apache Plume)<br />
“This showy bush produces white flowers that are followed by silky pink seedpod plumes. Dark green leaves have a silver underside. When the shrub is covered with feathery plumes, it is said to resemble an Apache headdress.” From Perennials Favorites website: “Beautiful native shrub with excellent drought tolerance. Does well in rocky, gravelly soils. Seed clusters with feathery tails give it a plume type appearance. White, solitary flowers bloom June through August.” We are hoping this reaches at least half its full height of 72" this summer so no one will step on it when the snow comes. This adapts to dry conditions, which is good because we hate having to drag the hose out to the front strip.<br />
<em>Artemisia X Absinthium </em>(Powis Castle Wormwood)<br />
“A vigorous English hybrid which forms a handsome mound of finely divided silvery leaves. Invaluable for breaking the monotony of green foliage in the garden. Provides beautiful contrast in rock gardens, borders, or containers.” We planted two last year. One has come back just fine but the other isn’t doing so well. I failed to prune them last year, which caused some of the problem. Note to self: pruning wormwood in the spring is not an option!<br />
On the other end of the strip, Shane planted some Lemon Balm and Pineapple Mint that have really thrived. The following were part of a mix we planted last year that worked out well:<br />
<em>Linum perenne </em>'Lewisii' (Blue Flax)<br />
“Airy . . . with blue flowers borne in loose clusters above grey-green foliage.” <br />
<em>Eschscholzia californica </em>(Papaveraceae) (California Poppy)<br />
“An upright, compact annual or tender perennial native to California and the southwestern United States. Extremely drought tolerant, ideal for arid environments. The brilliant orange, cup-shaped flowers, are 2-4 inches in diameter, borne individually on long stalks. Prefers full sun in light to sandy soils. Remarkably uniform and neat in appearance. A popular variety to press. Not hardy below 20F. An excellent color accent to any wildflower planting. The state flower of California. Blooms close each night at sunset or on dull days. The finely divided foliage is bluish-green in color making identification easy prior to flowering.” (text copyright WILDSEED FARMS.)<br />
Queen Anne’s Lace<br />
<strong>North of Walk (between rosebush & baby’s breath and the fence):<br />
<em>Artemisia vulgaris </em></strong>(‘Oriental Limelight’ Variegated Wormwood)<br />
“A beautiful foliage plant for a sunny location. The uniquely marked foliage is green with irregular lemon-yellow variegation and nice self-branching habit. An aggressive grower that is widely adaptable to any well drained soil type.” From Proven Winners website.<br />
<strong><em>Hedysarum boreale </em></strong>(Utah Sweetvetch)<br />
“Spikes of very fragrant, bright pink pea-like flowers bloom above spreading foliage. A favorite of butterflies and hummingbirds. . . . Strings of seed pods add winter interest.” But from the Perennial Favorites website we learn: “Legume with large, striking red/purple/pink flowers. Blooms spring to summer. Provides valuable forage for wildlife. Tolerant of clay soils.”<br />
<em><strong>Salvia Pachyphylla </strong></em>(Mojave Sage)<br />
“Vibrant flower spikes attract butterflies to the garden and are great cut. Complements many perennials including yarrow, coreposis and ornamental grasses. Extend flowering and promote rebloom by removing faded flowers.” From Perennial Favorites website: “Intensely aromatic evergreen foliage. Silver-green leaves set off persistent mauve bracts that surround the flower. Summer through fall.”<br />
<em>Artemisia tridentate vaseyana </em>(Mountain Big Sagebrush)<br />
“Fast-growing, evergreen shrub with soft gray-green foliage and a wonderful scent, especially after rain. Good in informal plantings with native grasses and perennials. Great for winter structure and interest.” From Perennial Favorites website: “Higher elevation species of big sage. Silver, blue-green foliage is aromatic and three lobed at the tips. Evergreen and drought tolerant. Flowers are inconspicuous.” Ours is growing slowly, likely due to the clay soil. It’s supposed to grow 3’by 3’, but ours is barely a foot tall and 6” wide. We hope it will eventually reach its potential as we continue to amend the soil throughout the yard.<br />
<em>Chrystohamnus nauseosus </em>(Rubber Rabbitbrush)<br />
“Shrub with rounded head, yellow flowers in late summer, gray foliage.” This is supposedly able to reach as far as 6’ tall but ours is barely a foot tall again, likely due to the clay soil.<br />
<strong>Front Walk (From sidewalk to steps)</strong><br />
Last year I planted the same plants on either sides of the walk. It looked really cute, but not everything survived. We had a bunch of Alyssum in the front, which looked great but did not reseed. My goal is to line the walk with native perennials. I’ve noticed that the bees love everything we’ve planted, particularly native bumblebees – like the all black kind and the kind with a red stripe on the thorax. We tried Wild Thing sage and Heather Queen mosquito plant last year, but neither survived. We may try the same plants again somewhere else in the yard.<br />
<strong>North side of Walk:</strong><br />
<em><strong>Diascia integerrima </strong></em>(Coral Canyon ® Twinspur, introduced by Denver Botanic Gardens and Colorado State University)<br />
“A cloud of soft pink, oval flowers . . . This heat tolerant introduction from the East Cape Dtakensberg Range of South Africa has a wide tolerance of soil and exposure. By far the toughest performer in this novel genus of everblooming wildflowers.” Bees love this stuff. We planted some last year but it didn’t survive on either side of the walk. We like it so much we decided to try again. We’re going to baby it a bit more and make sure to prune in the fall, to prevent snow damage.<br />
<strong><em>Penstemon hybrida </em></strong>(Firebird Beard-Tongue)<br />
“Bright flower spikes are striking in the garden or bouquet. Attracts hummingbirds. Outstanding in rock gardens.” I have seen no hummingbirds, but I’m guessing they are scared off by the traffic and the starlings and house finches that have built nests under the porch eaves.<br />
<strong><em>Penstemon x </em></strong>(Midnight Beard Tongue)<br />
“Showy purple bell-flowers are produced on this spikes . . . Penstemon is a native wildflower which is deservedly gaining popularity of is garden friendliness and dependable bloom. . . .Attracts beautiful hummingbirds to the garden.” See above re: hummingbirds. <br />
<em>Penstemon eatonii </em>(Firecracker Penstemon)<br />
“Handsome perennial with tall stalks of brilliant red blossoms that rise above glossy, dark green foliage. One of the best plants for hummingbirds in early summer. . . .” From Perennial Favorites website: “Drought tolerant species adapting to a wide range of soils and elevations. Important forage plant for birds and insects.” Again with the non-existent hummingbirds! (E swears he's seen hummers around the flowers, but I haven't) Bees love this plant, too, and I personally like bees better than hummingbirds. This is supposed to like well-drained soil but it actually did brilliantly in our clay soil – it didn’t flower last year when we planted it but it took off this year. I double dug the bed and amended the soil with compost – that probably helped. Our's also isn’t the predicted height of 3’ and width of 2’, but it’s darn close.<br />
<strong><em>Sedum album </em></strong>(Coral carpet stonecrop)<br />
This is growing very fast, just as the plant tag said it would. We are thinking of bordering the walk with stonecrop and moving the perennials back a foot in the fall, if that’s possible.<br />
<strong><em>Geranium Viscosissimum </em></strong>(Sticky Cranebill or Mountain Geranium)<br />
“Saucer-shaped pink or purple flowers provide a beautiful display. The green, delicately dissected foliage turn red in fall. One of the best hardy geraniums.” “Beautiful foliage turns burgundy in fall.” I love these plants. Unfortunately, one of the ones we planted last year didn't survive the winter. We saw hundreds of these growing wild on a mountain hike in Nevada. The tag says this will grown to 3’ tall and 3’ wide. Ours have not grown this big, possibly due to clay soil and possibly because we’ve chosen to water less. The growers recommend some supplemental water. I personally don’t think this native plant needs much water – we only watered about once a week during the summer last year and it’s quite healthy. However, we’ve learned not to let it get totally buried in salty snow – or let ants build a colony under it.<br />
<em><strong>Scrophularia Macrantha </strong></em>(Figwort or Red Birds in a Tree)<br />
“Like its relative the Penstemon, this plant has wands of red flowers that attract hummingbirds like crazy. Interesting, oddly shaped flowers do not require deadheading. Its winding habit causes it to lean attractively on nearby plants for support.” I’m excited to see how this one grows. We planted it farther back from the walk and gave it a cute bamboo arch for support.<br />
<em><strong>Sedum spurium </strong></em>(Tricolor Sedum)<br />
“Starry pink flowers bloom above succulent green leaves with cream and pink edges. Remove any all green shoots immediately.”<br />
<em><strong>Phlox subulata </strong></em>(Emerald Pink Phlox)<br />
“Bright pink flowers cover low, evergreen plants in April and May.<br />
<em>Artemesia frigida </em>(Fringed Sage)<br />
“Hardy, easy to grow subshrub with attractive soft silver foliage. Can be planted in rock gardens as a ground cover or as an accent plant. Very cold and drought tolerant. ” This may be my favorite species of local sagebrush. It has done really well by our front steps – maybe too well. We might need to move it. I love the soft leaves, that capture the rain ingeniously and manage to look both elegant and cute while doing so.<br />
<strong>South Side of Walk:</strong><br />
<em><strong>Linum perenne 'Lewisii' </strong></em>(Blue Flax)<br />
<em>Geranium Viscosissimum </em>(Sticky Cranebill/Geranium or Mountain Geranium)<br />
<em><strong>Thymus Serpyllum </strong></em>(Pink Chintz Thyme)<br />
“Wonderfully fragrant foliage provides a treat for the senses. A charming display of salmon-pink dainty blooms.” Thyme doesn’t like clay soil, but I thought I’d see how this does as a ground cover between the larger perennials.<br />
<em>Penstemon Pseudospectalis </em>(Desert Beard Tongue)<br />
“Spikes of rose-purple blooms, often with yellow tinged throats, contrasted by slender, blue-green leaves. This American Southwest native will attract hummingbirds to your garden.” Yes, hummingbirds again. Although the tag says that it requires well-drained soil, this one thrived on this side of the walk, even with our heavy clay soil. We did not cut back after flowering, which, combined with piles of snow, led to the other one dying this winter, I think. The one on this side of the walk came back with a vengeance and currently looks great.<br />
<em>Penstemon eatonii </em>(Firecracker Penstemon)<br />
<em><strong>Penstemon x Mexicali </strong></em>(Pikes Peak Purple® introduced by Denver Botanic Gardens and Colorado State University)<br />
“Durable hybrid penstemon selected from crosses made by Bruce Meyers between Mexican and American wild penstemons. Narrow, dark green leaves form and attractive mound. Pikes Peak Purple ® sports a constant succession of violet-purple flowers all summer. It thrives in a range of sites and soils.”<br />
<em><strong>Nepeta 'Psfike </strong></em>(Little Trudy® Catnip introduced by Denver Botanic Gardens and Colorado State University)<br />
“This hybrid catnip was selected at Little Valley Wholesale Nursery for its distinctive serrated, silvery foliage and long season of lavender bloom. . . . It is the most compact catnip cultivar.”<br />
<em><strong>Polemonium caeruleum </strong></em>(Jacob's Ladder, Apricot Delight)<br />
“Profuse flowers and striking foliage. Attractive in the rock garden, perennial or woodland garden, or massed beneath shrubs or flowering trees. Beautiful with spring bulbs and hosta. Good cut flower for early season bouquets.”<br />
<em><strong>Saxifraga x agrendsii </strong></em>(Peter Pan or Red Cap)<br />
This is a cute little stone-crop/phlox-like succulent ground cover.<br />
<strong>By the House Between the small white roses (north side):</strong><br />
<em><strong>Galium ordoratum </strong></em>(Sweet woodruff)<br />
“Plants form a low mat with bright green leaves. Clusters of starlike white flowers . . . Dried stems and leaves used in sachets and potpourris. ”<br />
<strong>Between the silver rose and wild tea rose (south side):</strong><br />
<strong><em>Polemonium reptans </em></strong>(Stairway to Heaven or Jacob's Ladder)<br />
“Grayish green variegated creamy white. Rosy new growth. Bell-like, light blue flowers. Clumping. Woodland areas, specimen, large pots.”<br />
<strong>South of Walk (by the Tree of Heaven and various roses):</strong><br />
<strong><em>Cercocarpus Montanus </em></strong>(True Mountain Mahogany)<br />
“Deciduous lower-growing variety with attractive foliage and a dense, symmetrical growth habit. Small pinkish flowers are followed by feathery silver-white fruits. Very drought tolerant. A favorite browse shrub for deer. ” From Perennial Favorites website: “Deciduous, lower-growing variety with dense, symmetrical growth habit. Small pink flowers blooming late spring through early summer. Very drought tolerant.” Deer don't quite make it to 300 East, but if they come, we'll have some food.<br />
<em><strong>Chamaebatiaria millefolium </strong></em>(Fernbush)<br />
“Semi-evergreen shrub with fragrant, fernlike foliage and spires of white flowers in midsummer. Golden-brown seedheads add interest in winter. An easy, fast-maturing plant tolerant of a wide range of growing conditions.” From Perennials Favorites website: “Intensely aromatic lacy foliage adorned with snowy white flowers. Makes a formal mound with light pruning. Attractive winter seed heads and habit. A tough Western shrub. Blooms summer.<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Side Yard</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<br />
<strong>Side of House:</strong><br />
<em><strong>Gaillardia Pinnatifolia </strong></em>(Hopi Blanketflower)<br />
“Easy-to-grow native plant reseeds itself very readily. Deadhead to control spread. Its long-blooming yellow flowers perk up your garden when most flowers are going dormant.” From Perennial Favorites website: “Easy to grow and a prolific bloomer all summer long. Large flowers with bright red centers surrounded by small, ray-type yellow petals.”<br />
<strong><em>Agastache Aurantiaca </em></strong>(Orange Hyssop)<br />
“Beautiful spikes of tubular flowers attract hummingbirds. Long stems hold highly aromatic mint-scented foliage. Excellent choice for mixed borders, and does well in containers also.”<br />
<strong><em>Leptinella Squalida </em></strong>(Platt's Black Brass Buttons)<br />
“Wonderfully textured, purple-gray leaves look great all season long. Adapts to most soil types. Perfect for filling in between paving stones as it can withstand light foot traffic. Reliable ground cover for any location Prefers fertile, sharply drained soil. Tolerates drought, but looks best with regular watering.”<br />
<strong><em>Sphaeralcea Munroana </em></strong>(Munroe Globemallow)<br />
“These shrubs form an unusual and attractive vase-like shape, bearing spectacular orange flower spikes. Its heat and drought tolerance are legendary. Deer-resistant plants are not picky about soil. These garden workhorses shine in severe heat.” From Native Perennials website: “Extremely tough, drought tolerant native perennial. Great choice for low water use areas of the landscape. Salmon-orange flowers bloom in June.”<br />
<em><strong>Sphaeralcea Coccinea</strong></em> (Scarlet Globemallow)<br />
“Small native plants produce orange flowers above wedge-shaped leaves. The Navajo made a tea of the whole plant and used it as a healing herb. Useful in native or wildflower gardens.” From Native Perennials website: “Large, delicate flowers are scarlet-orange around the edges and cream colored in the center. Blooms May through July. Excellent drought tolerance.”<br />
<strong>By Fence:</strong><br />
Lavender really does not like our soil and neither specimen liked being shaded lots of the day by the Tree of Heaven but one put out a single lovely stalk of flowers. The Tree of Heaven took care of mulching for us. We intend to work more sand into the soil in our lavender patch. We also planted a lavender plant in the front yard, hoping that it might like the sun there. But the soil just works against us. <br />
Lavandula angustifolia (Lady Lavender)<br />
Lavandula angustifolia (Hidcote Lavender)<br />
“Silver-gray foliage. Flowers are deep purple and aromatic.” <br />
The berry patch is really taking off this year. The golden currants are putting out lots of flowers/fruit, as are the black raspberries. We are looking forward to a full-on bramble in a couple of years.<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Middle Back</span><br />
<strong>Under Patio Trees:</strong><br />
<em>Tiarella </em>(Spring Symphony Foam Flower) <br />
“Compact foliage is cut and ‘painted’ with black along the mid-rib. Leaves are palmate, clumping and neat” with pink foamy flowers. Another person at the garden store indicated that they spread well, which is what we want. We are hoping to continue to build a shade loving flowerbed under the trees. We bought two Tiarellas and will see how they do.<br />
<em><strong>Heuchera sanguinea </strong></em>(Snow Angel Coral Bells) <br />
“Low-growing mounds of light green, broadly-lobed leaves are marbles with a light cream variegation that brightens shady gardens. Spikes of pinkish-red bells add a complimentary note from late spring into summer. An excellent plant for shade.”<br />
<em><strong>Trifoliumrepens 'Atropurpureum' </strong></em>(Dark Dancer<span style="font-size: xx-small;">tm </span><span style="font-size: small;">White clover)</span><br />
"Vigorous grower with dark clover-shaped leaves; white summer flowers; can be aggressive." From Proven Winners website. This area is filled with weeds, so we are kind of hoping the plant will be aggressive with those, but we'll have to keep an eye that it doesn't try to kill the flowers.<br />
<strong>Surrounding Veggie Gardens:</strong><br />
<strong>Marigold</strong><br />
We were pleasantly surprised when one of our marigolds from last year came back this year, though it took a few minutes to figure out what it was! The leaves of that particular specimen are particularly fragrant. Marigolds are such a wonderful plant - the children love them and they keep away bugs. The kids actually asked us to buy marigolds the last time we were at the garden center. We chose the most “marigoldy” smelling varieties. We will need to mark each place we’ve planted so as not to till these under in the fall – I would love to have them come back again.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1020877267892099946.post-91034548006483452502010-04-03T20:24:00.001-06:002010-04-24T22:18:34.287-06:00In which I attempt to explain my lack of bloggingThe best way to explain why I haven't posted anything since January is to describe a typical week. We will start on Monday, which is when my week seems to me to begin, in a subjective sense.<br />
<em>note - Dr. C, Shane, and DH are all the same person. :)</em><br />
<em></em><br />
<br />
<strong>Monday</strong><br />
<br />
Alarm goes off at 6:10. I don't usually actually get out of bed until 6:45. I tend to hit the snooze and have 9 minute mini-meditations, sleepily chat with my DH, or yell at Bill on RFH to stop yelling (irony is totally lost on me early in the am) until I'm finally awake enough to actually get out of bed. My breakfast generally consists of coffee, maybe some toast. I'm not really supposed to eat anything for an hour or so after I take my thyroid meds anyway, and I don't consider coffee with honey and cream to be "eating." Shane and I do our best to get us all out of the house by 7:30. The boyos go to b-fast at school and I grab a bus to work, or bike, depending on the weather. Dr C goes off to teach his classes at SLCC (both elementary school and SLCC are wonderfully within walking distance). <br />
<br />
I start work between 8 and 8:30, depending on how well the morning went and my mode of transportation. I generally work 10 hours straight, with only two 15-minute breaks, three if I don't feel like eating my lunch while writing decisions. For extra weirdness, I often answer emails from students or read books related to the class I teach during breaks, because it is apparently impossible for me to read or work "too much" in a day. I also check the NY Times and Salon for mini mental health break. Anyway, on Mondays, Tuesdays and Wednesdays I have hearings scheduled at 9, 10:30, 1:30, 3 and 4:30. In between hearings, I write decisions, prepare for other hearings, and attempt to maintain friendly relationships with my awesome coworkers. I usually leave work by 6:30, unless my 4:30 hearing is a particularly long one. <br />
<br />
Shane usually has dinner ready when I get home because he is so totally awesome. We attempt to get the children in bed by 8. Usually Shane takes the lead role in such tasks because I come home pretty tired and I have an unfortunate habit of facebooking and blog surfing when I get home. At 8:30 Dr C and I enjoy Big Bang Theory and at 9 we enjoy Castle. I usually read for a bit before falling asleep by 11. I often write blog posts in my head while falling asleep, then forget them upon awakening.<br />
<br />
<strong>Tuesday</strong><br />
<br />
See Monday, minus TV, plus web surfing and feeble attempts at preparing for class.<br />
<br />
<strong>Wednesday</strong><br />
<br />
Ditto Tuesday.<br />
<br />
<strong>Thursday</strong><br />
<br />
The lovely thing about Thursday is that I only have three hearings scheduled, at 9, 10:30 and 1:30. I use the additional time to catch up on writing decisions, proofing and sending out decisions, and getting ready for the next week. I also spend far more of break time getting ready for class the next day. Depending on how the week has gone, when I get home I either spend my time getting ready for class or surfing the web (sometimes both at the same time).<br />
<br />
<strong>Friday</strong><br />
<br />
I might actually sleep in to 7, depending on how stressed I am about class. My class starts at 9:30 and continues till 12:20. Prior to the class I review power-points and papers. My teaching style is a mix of discussion facilitation and soft pedal lecturing. I use a lot of power-points and video because I want to show my students as much art as possible. Usually one or two students stay after class to chat for a minute or two. I love that. I love my students. I don't write about them more specifically out of respect for their privacy. <br />
<br />
The boyos get out of school at 12:30. Dr C usually picks them up, then we meet up at home. Often times all I want to do on Friday is lunch, then nap. The boyos often talk us into doing something fun in the evening and we often go out to eat for dinner - we have many local fave restaurants. Occasionally Shane & I are lucky enough to get a babysitter so we can spend some time together.<br />
<br />
<strong>Saturday</strong><br />
<br />
I try to sleep in, but it's hard for me to sleep later than 9. I start up the laundry in the morning, if I have the energy, then update our financial records for the week. Laundry and money watching are my main contributions to household maintenance. I spend a lot of time reading, surfing the net, grading papers, running errands, and attempting to return the house to a less chaotic state on the weekend. Or worrying about not doing such while trying to take a nap. I also try to remind my children that they have a mom as well as a dad. We also try to see extended family at some point during the weekend at least once a month. There is often more eating out, because Shane and I are total foodies, and have turned our children into foodies, too.<br />
<br />
<strong>Sunday</strong><br />
<br />
See Saturday. Then add a strong sense of desperation as I try to get laundry and grading done before the week starts over.<br />
<br />
<strong>Conclusion?</strong><br />
<br />
So what's so different about this week, that I'm actually blogging? I have no idea. Except I'm blogging while watching Duke in the final four. And I feel a bit guilty that I haven't blogged for awhile. I've started drafting a few serious posts, but haven't posted them yet. This one is far more free-style, as you can no doubt tell. I'm guessing I'll post more come May, when the semester is over, since I won't be teaching this summer and will theoretically have more time for nonessential stuff.<br />
<br />
So, what's your week like?Unknownnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1020877267892099946.post-86094713224206405742010-01-18T23:08:00.000-07:002010-01-18T23:08:42.661-07:00Regarding painful thoughtsSo, in the past I have mentioned using Byron Katie's process, called "<a href="http://www.thework.com/thework.asp">the work</a>", to question and explore my thoughts. I would like to be more clear that the kind of thoughts I am currently questioning are the thoughts that bring me pain. I don't mean every thought that comes to my head - that's just more than I could possibly handle right now. I working on noticing which background, nearly subconscious thoughts bring me what I've learned to call <a href="http://bigthink.com/ideas/17821">dirty pain</a>. <a href="http://bigthink.com/ideas/17823">Dirty pain</a>, for me, is the kind of pain that comes from believing untrue thoughts. Believing lies, in my life at least, equates with dirty pain.<br />
<br />
I'd like to give an example. This is a very deep and personal example, so I ask that you please by gentle in your comments about this.<br />
<br />
I've been noticing that I am feeling a lot of sorrow today. Some of that is very clean sorrow/pain - it is the pain of remembering that my Mom is no longer here in the flesh. The pain of her not being here - outside of any thought of what her not being here means - feels like a very true, clean pain. The grief in me was stirred up by a very sweet and joyous occasion. Yesterday, three of my very dear friends came to my house for some brunch, deep conversation, and tarot. One of these friends, who has not seen me for several months, noted how much softer my face looked and remarked that the tension in my forehead has released (at least to an extent!). I believe this is a product of <a href="http://onemcpeck.blogspot.com/2010/01/not-sure-what-to-call-it-post.html">my letting go</a>. My dear friend mentioned that the overall effect of this softening was that I looked "10 years younger" (so, late twenties instead of thirties). I remarked how this was just my genetic legacy and showed them a picture of Mom at about 62 or so - she looks about 45 or 50. Part of this is just how young baby boomers look in general (at least in comparison to our cultural story about what certain ages look like), and some of this is just a peasant combination of English peasant/pioneer hardiness and Danish regularness of features.<br />
<br />
Anyway, I kept a picture of Mom on the table while I read cards for my friends. Mom in the flesh would not be comfortable with tarot cards, no matter how feminist and empowering (and <a href="http://www.daughtersofthemoon.com/">they</a> <a href="http://www.motherpeace.com/">are</a>). However, I get the strong feeling that Mom in the Spirit was just fine with my friends and I using the images on the cards to make connections and find ideas to make our lives richer and more meaningful. One of my friends noted several copies of <a href="http://www.dialoguejournal.com/content/">Dialogue</a> sitting out and asked me if I had been Mormon at one time. I indicated that I had and this was a great surprise to her (and here I thought my heritage was obvious). I told her it was a long story - but it was a long story I never ended up telling (and I will tell another day, I think).<br />
<br />
Later last night, while I was in the bath, I started telling my friend my story in head (I talk to people in my head a lot). And while telling the story to myself (in the guise of telling my friend) I had some realizations about my parents that I hadn't had before. I felt faintly Mom's presence and she asked me if I was glad that she had passed away. I said yes and no. I am so deeply grateful that she is so much happier now on the other side. Everytime I feel her presence she feels so much more joyful and peaceful. If death was necessary for her to feel that peace, then I believe her death was a good thing. On the other hand, I miss feeling her earthly, physical presence. And I relayed to Mom the experience of dressing and preparing her body for burial. The cancer had so ravaged her body that it was almost unrecognizable to me - it was as if I was dressing a stranger. And then I smoothed her hair. Mom's hair had an unmistakable softness and silkiness - like a newborn baby's - and that texture in my fingers confirmed for me that this body was really her body, that her body had really stopped working completely - had given up her ghost/spirit/soul. I called my sister over and she stroked Mom's hair, too. And we both just cried and cried. I told Mom that I missed stroking her hair, I missed rubbing her feet and her rock-solid shoulders, I missed feeling her hug me in simultaneously hesitant and ferocious embrace. I told her how much I regretted that our relationship when she was embodied was not as good as it is currently. She seemed to be there, hearing me and acknowledging my words. And then she was gone.<br />
<br />
So, all of today, there has been this deep sorrow in my heart. Good enough. I am trying to learn how to "let myself feel" instead of "making myself feel better" as a dear long-lost high-school friend and a current much-beloved counselor have encouraged me to do. I've felt compelled to bring my hand to my heart all day to support the sorrow I feel. This is all good, all clean and real.<br />
<br />
But I also notice a creeping tension - as my mind tries to fill in all kinds of reasons and justifications for the sorrow I feel. For example, I notice nonverbal thoughts that carry the meaning of: "I'm feeling this pain because I haven't accomplished what I needed to today" and "I'm feeling this pain because I forgot I was doing laundry and the wet clothes just sat there for hours while I fussed with files" and "I'm feeling this pain because I didn't fuss with the files long enough and there's still an entire box left to sort through and the house is filled with dust and dog fur and even though my dear friends said they loved being in my house and experienced it as a joyful home they were lying to protect me because they were really disgusted by the clutter and the dirt and the yuckiness of it all." Etc., etc., etc.<br />
<br />
My dearest readers, these are the thoughts I am working so hard to unpack, to tidy up, to dust off, to clean up, to challenge and to discard/compost/let go of. It is not my home that needs clearing, it is my mind. And so I write this post, I write down these stupid, awful, <strong><em>painful</em></strong> thoughts. I don't want to be void of thought, I want to challenge these false ideas that give me dirty pain. These false ideas that my brain so helpfully supplies me to explain why I am feeling pain or sorrow at any given moment. When, in truth, when I examine reality and inquire as to what is, I'm really feeling pain because I am feeling pain. There doesn't have to be a cause for how I feel (though I have a sense that the sorry I've felt today is part of my grief breaking loose and working itself out). There doesn't have to be a reason or a rhyme for of the "this" that I experience moment to moment. There is just me, in this moment, feeling some pain. And also some hope. And love. And contentment. And discomfort. And even joy. There is just me in this moment, be-ing. The more I question my thoughts and my mind, the better able I am to be here now, alive, whole, holy. What else is there, really, to do with this one precious life?Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1020877267892099946.post-12387514786078047432010-01-10T11:23:00.000-07:002010-01-10T11:23:02.907-07:00Not sure what to call it postSo, this whole losing attachments and not stressing about those darn "shoulds" is awesome. As I mentioned last week, our holiday celebrations were much less stressful this year because something in me let go of how the holidays "should be" and enjoyed how they actually were in the moment. And now we have had a massive b-day party for both boys and that was also more awesome without expectations. Brief explanation - E's b-day in 1/3 and M's b-day is 1/9, and we often give them a shared party. Yesterday we had almost 30 kids between the ages of 5 and 9 in our house. There was a magician, there was cake and balloons, there were treat bags. There was just a bit of chaos. I don't do well with chaos and yet it was okay.<br />
<br />
I had dreams of setting up a table so the children could make crafts (wizard hats and magic wands) but never got organized enough for it. I was so lucky that my friend Alyshia decided to come to the party with her daughter and then helped with corralling kids. The party was so much easier because of her. The children really enjoyed the magician, <a href="http://www.magicwithaflair.com/">Christopher</a> - much laughing aloud.<br />
<br />
Normally, the fact that things did not quite happen as I imaged they would leaves me in a ornery lump. This time when I had little swells of guilty "I didn't plan things well enough" and "it was too loud" feelings they disolved almost before I could attach thoughts to them. And when thoughts did attach, I was able to understand that they wer just thoughts, not reality. <br />
<br />
A big part of this release is due to thinking about Byron Katie's inquiry process. I love the way she approaches the "shoulds." You know, like, "It should have gone this way," "I should have done/said/thought/been xyz," "S/he should have blah, blah, blah." Katie often responds (as part of the "is it true" part of the 4 questions), "Oh really? What's the truth of it? What happened?" So, for example, "I should be patient" is not true because I am not patient. If it were true that I should be patient then I would be patient. And I'm not. So there. ;)<br />
<br />
Another thing I noticed at the party was how certain kids were very honest about it being too loud for their comfort and asking very directly to go to a quieter place in the house. I love that! Part of my recent self-realization is that I don't deal well with loudness or multiple streams of information. If more than one person talks to me at once I can't hear them and usually I get nervous because I don't understand what is being said. But when I really acknowledge that I cannot comprehend multiple streams of info, then I let go of the expectation that I should be able to do so, and the stressy-ness of the situation decreases. I can then simply say, "I can't hear you when you talk at the same time. If you want me to hear you, please figure out a way not to talk simultaneously." Ta-da! Magic.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1020877267892099946.post-25018782252348048602010-01-03T21:10:00.000-07:002010-01-03T21:10:45.948-07:00Random Thoughts for a New Year -These are thoughts I texted to myself on New Year's Eve while the kids were playing at dinoland at South Towne Mall.<br />
<br />
(1) <em>Inner lizards vs wise turtles. Managing energy. Confusing inner conversations for actual convs. Is it pos to c things as they really are?</em><br />
<br />
So I got the inner lizard idea from <a href="http://marthabeck.com/blog/?p=72">Martha Beck</a> but she is not the only one who uses the analogy. In a very brief nutshell she talks about the reptilian brain and the ways you can get <a href="http://www.inspirations-unlimited.net/images/Hijack.pdfhttp://www.inspirations-unlimited.net/images/Hijack.pdf">hijacked by your amygdala</a> and suggests creating a persona for that inner danger-search-and-avoider. Lately I've become more and more cognizant that when my inner lizard starts freaking out it takes on the persona of actual people, like say, my boss. And my inner self with argue with that boss-impersonating lizard. And then I unconsciously act towards my boss <em>as if that conversation actually took place.</em> Ridiculous! My boss is nothing like my inner lizard. I do this to Dr C too and he is so unlike my inner lizard. So I'm thinking of creating an inner-lizard persona, if only to keep my silly memory from thinking that inner conversations are really outer conversations.<br />
<br />
Wise turtles is from Kung Fu Panda. The thought that keeps coming back to me is giving up <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x_6g4s9DkGc">the illusion of control</a>. I have placed several turtles on my computer at work to remind myself that, although I'm supposed to "keep control" of my hearings and witnesses, I don't have actually have any real control over other people or the cussing computer programs I work with. Does it say something about me that my persona for my wiser self is reptilian?<br />
<br />
Managing energy is an idea from the January issue of Body & Soul. I don't recall the article name right now (maybe I'll add it later) but the idea was that while in the past we may have needed to manage time, at this point with the proliferation of e-connectedness, what we need to manage is our energy. I focused this past week at work on taking time when my mind and spirit were lagging to take a break - a physical and mental removal of myself from what I was tired of. I am usually the type to push through a tired spot - "keep working!" - but this plan seemed to work better. My energy was better sustained throughout the day and I actually had some energy left over when I came home, which was awesome because I'm really tired of giving my best energy to work with little left over for my family.<br />
<br />
Is it possible to see things as they really are? Probably not, but I just keep trying to pull away illusions and self deceptions anyway. :)<br />
<br />
<em>(2) Peaceful holiday-new years-tarot-heiro & m-2 wand sucess? Do I want more? Sense of sucess yet not as much as thought would have.</em><br />
<br />
This year's holidays were way more peaceful for me than in years past. Nothing has changed but me. I'm actually tuning into my calm self, activating my <a href="http://www.med.umich.edu/painresearch/patients/Relaxation.pdf">relaxation response</a> and engaging the <a href="http://faculty.washington.edu/chudler/auto.html">parasympathetic system</a>. There have been days that I have literally not wanted to get out of bed because I have been feeling so peaceful, calm and good and I really want to stay in that place. It's similar to "the temple feeling." (You Mos know what I mean) The wonderful thing is that when this response is engaged for me, expectations and feelings of not meeting those expectations slide away into virtual nonexistence.<br />
<br />
So, I did a tiny little spread for myself (in the bathtub!) close to New Years. I pulled the hierophant, the 2 of wands, and death. This is <a href="http://media.photobucket.com/image/spiral%20tarot/bolobala_kitten/spiral_tarot.jpg">the deck I used</a>. The hierophant stands for me I assume, since I am both a teacher and a judge. In fact, just before I became a teacher and a judge again, I took a class from <a href="http://margaretruth.com/">Margaret Ruth</a> and every single spread for me had a hierophant. <em><u>Every single one</u></em>. So, anyway, the 2 of wands in the deck I was using features a successful man dreaming of more ventures/adventures. And I ask myself if there is something more that I am looking for in my professional life? I really like what I do - I enjoy being a judge and feel I am reasonably accomplished at it, plus, I'm beginning to feel competent as an instructor. On the other hand, I've had tiny little yearnings to do a small something on the side - like reading cards for people. And the death card was really lovely - I've been feeling my anxious, tired, ornery self slipping away for months and, though I love her, it is time for her to go back into the <a href="http://mydailygoddess.blogspot.com/2008/03/cerridwen-death-rebirth.html">cauldron </a>and be reborn into a hopefully healthier self.<br />
<br />
As for not having as much success as I thought would - I am not the lawyer I dreamed of being when I went to law school. I have not accomplished as much as my dear colleagues. My mind is somewhat distressed by that but my soul is content. Yay!<br />
<br />
<em>(3) Do really need to be Bigified? Or happy where I am? How nice to be ocassionally calm & not fret over unmet expectations & unwise hopes for per</em><br />
<br />
Biggification is a <a href="http://www.fluentself.com/">Havi</a> thing. I've been attracted to sites like hers for awhile so it leads me to wonder if there is something in my professional life that wants to grow. Or maybe its reflective of my desire to grow spiritually. I am very happy where I am right now - I am emotionally and energetically healthier than I have been in over a decade. Which is awesome. <br />
<br />
Per = perfection. I kindly and graciously wish that death comes for my dreams of perfection.<br />
<br />
Well, that's about it for now. I'm recuperating from a cold and don't want to push myself too hard. I hope 2010 is a wonderful year for all. My our dreams of peace bloom and grow. Or grow and bloom. Wev.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1020877267892099946.post-63548398195833737732009-12-24T09:20:00.004-07:002009-12-24T20:49:07.311-07:00Danish Kleiner (Klejner)It’s not Christmas without Kleiner in my family. My Mom learned how to make Kleiner from watching her mother, who learned it from watching her mother-in-law, known to Mom as Bestemar. Bestemar came to the US from Denmark in 1905 (in part to escape religious persecution, if you can believe it). Anyway, at least one weekend in December was always devoted to Kleiner making. Mom would sometimes stay up into the wee hours of the morning frying cookies. I’ve found that you can break up the process into three nights – dough one night, shaping the next, frying the last day. Mom was a bit of a perfectionist (!) when it came to Kleiner – she usually made cookies so uniform and regular they seemed factory made. She was not adverse to throw our “poor” attempts to shape the cookies back into the dough bowl. I don’t think she even considered letting me help her until I was at least 10, maybe 12.<br />
<br />
The recipe we inherited from Bestemar left much to the imagination - including referring to ingredients in the instructions that are not listed in the ingredient list! Apparently everyone knew how to cook then and such attention to detail was unnecessary. This is my much-fleshed-out recipe. Perhaps with this my cousins can make a tin or two for next Lille-Yule! Just kidding, I know Kleiner is a Degn-McPeck responsibility.<br />
<br />
<strong><span style="font-size: large;">Bestemar’s Danish Kleiner</span></strong><br />
<br />
<em><span style="font-size: x-small;">Takes 3 to 4 hours – or three nights</span></em><br />
<em><span style="font-size: x-small;">Makes about 4 dozen “Susan-sized” cookies, 3 dozen “Alma-sized)</span></em><br />
<em><span style="font-size: x-small;">Susan = My Mother</span></em><br />
<em><span style="font-size: x-small;">Alma = My Grandmother (mother’s mother)</span></em><br />
<em><span style="font-size: x-small;">Bestemar = My Great-grandmother (mother’s father’s mother)</span></em><br />
<br />
<em><strong>Tools</strong></em><br />
<br />
2 mixing bowls<br />
Measuring cups and spoons<br />
Hand mixer<br />
Sifter<br />
Stout wooden spoon<br />
Flat work surface<br />
Rolling pin<br />
Butter knife<br />
Wax paper or parchment paper<br />
Trays<br />
Dinner fork or frying scoop<br />
Pan deep enough for frying (at least 2 inches deep)<br />
Brown wrapping paper or brown paper bags cut to lie flat<br />
Small paper bag<br />
Aluminum foil<br />
Cookie tins<br />
<br />
<strong><em>Ingredients</em></strong><br />
<br />
<em>Dough</em><br />
3 eggs<br />
1 cup sugar<br />
1 teaspoon vanilla or cardamom<br />
½ cup butter, melted<br />
4 tablespoon cream<br />
1 teaspoon baking powder<br />
½ teaspoon salt<br />
4-5 cups flour (depends on how finer the flour is – the finer the flour, the more you need)<br />
<br />
<em>Frying</em><br />
<br />
1½ pounds shortening or oil (I like to use grapeseed oil because it has a buttery flavor. Sue and Alma always used Crisco vegetable, i.e. soy, oil) <br />
<br />
<em>Finishing</em><br />
<br />
2 cups sugar for decorating<br />
1 tsp vanilla or other flavoring, like cardamom (optional)<br />
<br />
<em><strong>Instructions:</strong></em><br />
<br />
<em>Making the dough</em><br />
<br />
(1) Beat eggs, sugar and vanilla together until smooth with hand blender. <br />
<br />
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</div>(2) Mix in cream and melted butter. <br />
<br />
(3) In a separate bowl, sift together baking powder, salt and 3 cups of the flour.<br />
<br />
(4) Slowly incorporate the flour mixture into the dough, adding about ¼ to ½ a cup of flour at a time. You will only be able to use a hand mixer for first cup or so of flour, then move to a sturdy spoon. (I have broken wooden spoons mixing the dough before – beware!)<br />
<br />
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The last cup of flour usually needs to be worked in by hand a tiny bit at a time. You want the dough to be pulling off the sides of the bowl, but not as firm as pie dough. (I’ve never tried a free standing mixer for this, let me know if you try it and it works).<br />
<br />
<em><span style="font-size: xx-small;">Too sticky:</span></em><br />
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</div><em><span style="font-size: xx-small;">Just right:</span></em><br />
<img border="0" ps="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgUDKXXLWPFWOcGEClGX3hOP-iOUkBIxNVThTqctdfN4DCCdUFDZMfXlEznYU8ZkLgVn2usR7qGm2G6WLsuDbKuSqC5gv1vSeIPPMzAtJte-bAT1HNZ1QZM61Bcm9toMpzN-ysCr87wCYsl/s200/PC130071.JPG" /><br />
<br />
(5) Let dough chill in refrigerator or cool room before shaping. It should be firm and easy to roll out (this takes about half an hour). Susan generally made it a little softer - about like bread dough, then kneaded in more dough when she rolled out the cookies.<br />
<br />
<em>Shaping the cookies</em><br />
<br />
(1) Roll out a softball-sized hunk of dough to about ¼ inch thick. You can try a bigger hunk as you get used to the process. Thinner dough is harder to work with and can fall apart when frying. Thicker dough takes longer to cook and can be a bit cakey. Sue tended to roll the cookies thicker than Alma.<br />
<br />
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</div><br />
(2) Using an upside down butter knife, draw parallel lines through the dough, about 1 inch (Susan size) to 1½ (Alma size) inches apart. You can make them even bigger if you like. According to Susan, Bestemar made them the size of donuts.<br />
<br />
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(2) Draw crossing, almost-perpendicular lines, across the first lines, in order to create diamond shapes. Cut a 1/2 to 1 inch slit in the center of each diamond shape (depending on how big you make the cookies). Remove edge pieces.<br />
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</div>(3) Peel off one diamond shape from the edge by sliding butter knife under the dough. Use thumbs to widen the slit, then fold top corner into slit. <br />
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<div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2JHqctabEeWNCskkSMS8r1MqMLTx_4P9-jgVhDHs9QXfgcWB0FaSYNjKW9kQnn370K9lnkACrdG40u5s1Zw8x5RyTbaPdIFU5wrrWEqa_IwQ9yyHBnVgAYSKiQIqZyN7PlIJKcCYqDW8B/s1600-h/PC130085.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" ps="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2JHqctabEeWNCskkSMS8r1MqMLTx_4P9-jgVhDHs9QXfgcWB0FaSYNjKW9kQnn370K9lnkACrdG40u5s1Zw8x5RyTbaPdIFU5wrrWEqa_IwQ9yyHBnVgAYSKiQIqZyN7PlIJKcCYqDW8B/s200/PC130085.JPG" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibwpYnli0uga-xaarQCSLPYngZvn4AfoNxI-n-zh8CcCR4kh66MfoDmNbtkkTqW-wd3fQ6hyXk-D-5OAdihEvguSGV9pWYs6ucO4Br1-Pzpo0KGO37-0RRE0POD0deU2gdPsYSub7lmK8_/s1600-h/PC130086.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" ps="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibwpYnli0uga-xaarQCSLPYngZvn4AfoNxI-n-zh8CcCR4kh66MfoDmNbtkkTqW-wd3fQ6hyXk-D-5OAdihEvguSGV9pWYs6ucO4Br1-Pzpo0KGO37-0RRE0POD0deU2gdPsYSub7lmK8_/s200/PC130086.JPG" /></a><br />
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</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">(4) Roll edges toward center, and pull the top corner up at the same time. <br />
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</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;">(5) Pinch corner, if desired. Susan always pinched the corner and rolled the sides in tightly. , Alma usually didn’t pinch the corner and left a hole in the middle. Susan’s are easier to fry, Alma’s are crispier. <br />
</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg00hw1M1yDrO6_qaBJrQTeM_TDQIfWaRmwUEBOaziCJRn-e6lP99R8T3kFU3yY-bCkb93wm9-fuCudwTMbXIipjg8nz6hP5ZjkjPVZwipmOW03qX5Se1XFc4w_A7vu-90QZVOZx7Bkxwm5/s1600-h/PC130090.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" ps="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg00hw1M1yDrO6_qaBJrQTeM_TDQIfWaRmwUEBOaziCJRn-e6lP99R8T3kFU3yY-bCkb93wm9-fuCudwTMbXIipjg8nz6hP5ZjkjPVZwipmOW03qX5Se1XFc4w_A7vu-90QZVOZx7Bkxwm5/s200/PC130090.JPG" /></a><br />
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</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">(6) Place cookie on a tray lined with wax or parchment paper. Repeat for all diamonds. Continue rolling out, cutting and shaping until you run out of dough. We always eat the leftovers raw (it’s not Christmas without Kleiner dough). But you don’t have to be gross like us.<br />
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<em>Cooking and finishing</em><br />
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<div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">(1) Pour about a cup of granulated sugar in a small paper bag. I like to add a few drops of vanilla or a few pinches of cardamom, then roll up top of bag tightly and turn over several times to mix, or mix into the sugar by hand. Susan and Alma usually used plain sugar. You want the sugar to be ready to go before you start frying cookies.<br />
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</div>(2) Line some trays or your flat work surface with at least two layers of brown paper. The brown paper needs to be reasonably close to the fryer.<br />
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It’s best to have a fryer and a sugar-er. It takes a lot longer to fry and sugar by yourself, and you risk burning cookies. It’s always a good idea to have a least one person keep an eye on the hot oil.<br />
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</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">(3) Fry cookies in at least an inch and a half of hot oil (about 350 degrees) until golden brown. If you don’t use enough oil you risk “sunburning” them on the bottoms. <br />
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<div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">You need to flip them at least once (with a dinner fork or frying scoop), about a minute or so after they float up to the top. It doesn’t hurt to check every minute or so until you get the hang of it. <br />
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</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">I usually put about six in the oil at a time, then add six more when I flip the first six, or do 12 at once. The oil will get bubbly – sometimes so much so that it’s hard to see the cookies. Just skim the bubbles off and put them on the brown paper. <br />
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<div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">(4) Once cookies reach the desired color, place on brown paper to cool. Susan usually made them lighter, Alma darker. <br />
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</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">(5) Sugar cookies by placing slightly warm cookies in sack of sugar. Gently toss to evenly coat. You can do this by folding up the top tightly and turning the bag over a few times, or just put your hands in and pour sugar over the cookies.<br />
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</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">(6) Place sugared cookies in aluminum-foil-lined tins. Let cool before you put the lid on if you like them crispy. You could also cool them on a cooling rack before putting them in tins. Sue often sealed them up slightly warm, that’s why her Kleiner was usually so soft.<br />
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<em><span style="font-size: x-small;">I keep finding little grammatical errors and fixing them. I'm fairly certain the instructions are correct though!</span></em><br />
</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1020877267892099946.post-43206451432633775062009-11-26T22:10:00.021-07:002009-11-26T22:42:49.710-07:00Foodie Day!<em><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;">In which Amanda get a little link happy . . .</span></em><br />
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As all truly good days do, mine started by sleeping in later than usual. The boys and the dog crowded into the bed for a good cuddle then Shane (aka Dr. C) graciously consented to make us monster pancakes (aka German or puffy pancakes) for breakfast. They are so yummy when made with quality butter that they need no syrup. I also had fresh coffee flavored with cinnamon chocolate. So good. The boys watched several episodes of <a href="http://www.redwall.org/">Redwall</a> while I surfed the web and Shane read the newspaper.<br />
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Around 11-ish we went to <a href="http://www.libertyheightsfresh.com/">Liberty Heights Fresh</a>. As we were deciding between capon, duck and rabbit, the dear proprietor approached with a bottle of Brut and champagne glasses. Salud! Shane chose the capon. I chose duck bacon. Together we chose Rossini (wine soaked blue cheese, Valtaleggio, Italy), Stichelton (raw organic cow's milk Stilton, Nottinghamshire, England), Twig Farm soft wheel (Vermont), Tarentaise (alpine style raw cow's milk, Spring Brook Farm, Reading, Vermont), and Tooele Gold (brine aged goat milk, Shepard's Dairy, Erda, Utah). I also selected a wild boar Creminelli and pork Casalingo (Italian salami). E chose baby pears & multi-colored carrots and M chose broccoli & red grapes. We also grabbed real wild rice (from Minnesotta!), deep-dark chocolate bars, anchovies, Christmas beans, cremini mushrooms, cippolini onions, 3-seed crackers, torta de aceite and roman bread. Plus, a lovely bouquet.<br />
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We came home and while I cleaned up, Shane prepared a luscious cheese, salami, cracker and fruit plate from our Fresh jaunt, adding Smoked Promontory <a href="http://www.beehivecheese.com/">Beehive Cheese </a> (Uintah, Utah - just below where I grew up) and honey-crisp apples. Shane and I finished our <a href="http://www.castlecreekwinery.com/">Castle Creek </a>Merlot (Moab, Utah).<br />
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I then perused several cookbooks and magazines for ideas for the wild rice pilaf I was dreaming up. After that Eli and I finally finished our fall wreath (pictures to follow once the batteries for the digital camera are charged). While I was putting the finishing touches on the wreath, Shane realized it was time for <a href="http://www.fantasticmrfoxmovie.com/">Fantastic Mr. Fox</a>. We hurried to the Century 16. Fox was absolutely quirky and delightful. It's the kind of weird movie Dr. C and I adore. The kids also seemed to like most of it. We very much intend to buy the soundtrack.<br />
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When we arrived home, Shane & I tackled the dishes while listening to a CD of songs from Studio Ghibli films. When it was time to cook we listened to Peter Gabriel, <a href="http://www.petergabriel.com/discography/release/Secret_World_Live/">Secret World Live</a>. Dr. C spread lots and lots of butter on the capon and roasted it on a bed of carrots and green onions, and stuffed it with fresh herbs. I sauteed the multi-colored carrots with the cippolini onions and celery in bacon fat. I then added the crimini mushrooms and fresh herbs. I stirred cooked wild rice into the veggie mixture, then finished the pan with champagne vinegar. Once the bird was done, Dr. C reheated the <a href="http://www.marthastewart.com/recipe/caramelized-chestnuts-and-brussels-sprouts">carmelized chestnuts & brussels sprouts</a> and <a href="http://www.marthastewart.com/recipe/caramelized-turnips-and-shallots">carmelized turnips, rutabegas & shallots </a>we had leftover from the McPeck family dinner at our house last weekend. Dr. C whipped up some mashed potatoes and buttered brocolli at the boy's request. The feast was quite magnifique. Dr. C and I enjoyed our meal with <a href="http://www.castlecreekwinery.com/prices/">Castle Creek </a>Lily Rose White (Moab). After the meal we sipped regular brandy, pear brandy, raspberry liquor, Kijafa, & Gran Marnier (okay, I only chose two of the five). Dr. C also enjoyed an anchovy gin martini.<br />
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We intend to eat the duck bacon and <a href="http://www.marthastewart.com/recipe/potato-n-onion-cakes">potato & onion cakes </a>in the morning. Then it is back to reality for me whilst I grade innumerable papers and wash equally innumerable articles of clothing. I intend to reward myself once I have graded & washed everything with a bit of "<a href="http://www.localfirst.org/">buy local day</a>" shopping.<br />
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I feel blessed beyond measure today. I am so grateful for all the people who worked hard to bring the incredible food we ate to our table - farmers, ranchers, vintners, harvesters, truck-drivers, grocers, inventors of refrigeration and internal-combustion engines, etc). I am eternally indebted to the agronomists and agriculturalists who came before us, those clever souls who figured out that all these strange things were wonderful food if combined with fire, water, and salt. And of course, I realize that I truly lucked out in the "birth lottery." I cannot say that I "deserve" any of this bounty. My dear M drew a picture of turkey and wrote "feed the hungry" beside it. He showed it to everyone at Fresh. We give to the food bank every week/month (through <a href="http://www.winderfarms.com/">Winder Farms</a> and my employer's giving program), yet I wonder if we do enough. And then I remember that there is both "never enough" and "enough and to spare" for all of us, every day, not just on this day of thanks.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1020877267892099946.post-29462784834964142812009-11-22T22:15:00.000-07:002009-11-22T22:15:47.293-07:00A Lovelier WeekSo, the work stress has been high lately. It took me awhile to realize that 85% of the stress was created in my own head. I attacked that source o' stress with a vengeance this week by bringing my journal to work and writing down all my stressful thoughts, then challenging them, a la <a href="http://www.thework.com/index.asp">Bryon Katie</a>. It truly helped. I had so much more energy at the end of the week and was able to be much more present in my hearings. I've also noticed that the relaxation response has kicked in more frequently this week. Several mornings I've woken up in a completely relaxed state - this is truly rare for me.<br />
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I had another <a href="http://www.byronkatie.com/">Byron Katie </a>moment this morning. We desperately needed a new dining area rug and the perfect rug just happened to be on sale (50% OFF) at Kohl's, plus, I needed to pick up just a few more items for our pre-thanksgiving feast with the McPeck clan. I left for the store much later than I thought and I noticed I was stuck in the thought "I have to get everything done before everyone gets there," which was truly stressful. But what got my tearing up was the thought behind the thought - a pre-verbalish thought actually - that my family would not approve of nor love me unless I got everything (i.e. cleaning and cooking) done and that my family would not enjoy themselves at my home unless I got everything done. Questioning that thought was harder but so good to do. I realized that whether or not anyone enjoyed themselves at my home was utterly outside my control - they would enjoy it or not, approve of me or not. I remembered that how people perceive me or feel about me (or my home) is up to them, not me. No amount of cleaning or inspired cooking can make anyone like me, love me, or approve of me, not ever. It's a lovely realization.<br />
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I have also decided that the next time I have people over, I shall do the major cleaning the day before, so I won't be tired when my guests arrive. Sleepiness is very rarely conducive to hostessliness.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1020877267892099946.post-2420052066883712312009-11-07T19:21:00.006-07:002009-11-08T21:05:13.806-07:00Time to End the Experiment, Obvs., And Other StuffSo, one month of barely having weekly posts (Tuesday Ten and Thursday Thank You) was more than enough for me. Turns out I hate having a schedule/deadline for something I intended to do for funsies (who knew?!?!). Amazingly enough I have more than enough deadline pressure in my worklife to impose one on my online life. No more habitual posting for me. This blog will now return to absolute randomness.<br />
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In other news, I want to thank my sister for<a href="http://rissworld.blogspot.com/2009/11/in-tribute-to-my-mom.html"> posting about the second anniversary of Mom's passing</a>. I find that I don't want to write about it but I'm glad that Riss did. In some ways I have a better relationship with Mom now. Her spirit visits me fairly regularly and she is so very happy where she is now, I think happier than she was in her body, perhaps because in her last years she was in so much physical pain. As I am dealing with my own persistent pain and lack of energy, I find myself having far more sympathy for Mom than I did when she was here. And perhaps in her present state she is better able to know how I really feel. I deeply regret the fact that Mom was mostly unaware of how much I cared for her during her earthly life. I feel that she is aware now of how much she was loved, not just by me, but by others as well. And is so wonderful to know that Mom is happy. My joy in her healing outshines my grief in her passing.<br />
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More newsiness: I'm still working on the habitual anxiety thing. More noticing tension and breathing into it, because talking to my anxiety does not help. At all. My tension seems to be very body-based and I'm finding that only body-based responses have any lessening effect on it. So more breathing, stretching, being still.<br />
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I'm also testing out <a href="http://www.starbulletin.com/features/20090914_its_about_time.html">Martha Beck's idea</a> (well, it might not be her idea originally but she's the person I learned it from) that if you will do one small thing for the most neglected area of your physical space/home, you will find unexpected improvements in your mental/emotional life. I've made small efforts at addressing the mess we call "the library" hoping that in so doing I can work on the anxiety thing from another angle. Beck argues that your home is a reflection of your interior mind. I would agree if I was the only person living here. On the other hand, perhaps the messiness of my home reflects this cluttered mind of mine. Or perhaps its not so much cluttered as full of many ideas and interests. And given that my husband and children are as un-single-minded as I, it's no wonder we have a home full of stuff. Also, I've learned from Martha that I am <a href="http://www.oprah.com/article/omagazine/ss_omag_200708_mbeck">polochronic</a>, which is my excuse for why it's rarely time to clean up. Tee hee.<br />
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I've been re-reading books lately. I find it interesting that I don't react as strongly to the stories/characters as I did the first time I read these stories. Perhaps this change in reactions is due to changes in myself. I'm still parsing this out in my head - perhaps I will write more about this later.<br />
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Also, I find myself saying <a href="http://whattamisaid.blogspot.com/">What Tami Said</a> a lot. Her post <a href="http://whattamisaid.blogspot.com/2009/10/fat-and-happy-why-biggest-loser-loses.html"></a><a href="http://whattamisaid.blogspot.com/2009/10/fat-and-happy-why-biggest-loser-loses.html">Fat and happy: Why "The Biggest Loser" loses</a>, which I somehow missed earlier this month, says exactly why I won't watch "weight loss TV" or participate in any kinds of weight loss talk. I know that weight loss is something very, very important to people that I deeply love, but it is not important anymore to me. Which is such a wonderful, wonderful thing, can I tell you? I can get on the scale now and truly not care what it says. No more anxiety, no more pain in my heart that I am unworthy of love because of what my body looks like. I can actually look in the mirror without shame, without feeling deep hatred for my belly, without thinking every part of me should be smaller, firmer, cuter. And I want to stay in this place. So please understand that this is why I will never talk diets or good vs. bad food or fitting into skinny clothes ever again. Because smaller is not better for me and I no longer believe that taking up less space makes me more worthy of living. And thank you, Tami, for this post and for your blog in general. <br />
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I think this is enough other stuff for now. In the meantime, thank you to all of my dear friends who read this blog, infrequent though it is.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1020877267892099946.post-29361764644366022082009-10-28T20:18:00.002-06:002009-11-07T21:55:48.858-07:00Tuesday Ten (belated) - Recurring Ideas<i><b>10 ideas that keep popping up for me . . .</b></i><br />
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(1) Respecting my capacity: This one comes from <a href="http://www.fluentself.com/blog/biggification/ceo-with-stripey-socks-part/">Havi Brooks</a>. I'm feeling a need to acknowledge that there are limits to my energy, my ability to absorb information, my ability to focus. And when I reach those limits: Stop. Rest. Breathe. At least in theory. :)<br />
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(2) Noticing how tension saps my energy: Holding my muscles tightly or squinting my eyes in concentration in time makes me more tired. When I notice myself doing this, I remind myself to release. I am hoping this will give me more energy.<br />
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(3) Noticing how making housecleaning a "reward" for doing something I don't want to do even more, makes it fun and look forward-able. This is true for many tasks. This is a basic mind-training sort of technique. I'm just amazed that making something a reward that I don't intrinsically think is a "reward" makes it fun (this is not a novel concept, <a href="http://marthabeck.com/blog/?m=200906">of course</a>). I want to call it "treatifying."<br />
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(4) Noticing how much time I spend imagining how other people might attack my work or critique how I spend my time (particularly true at work). More wasted energy. Imagine what I could do if I could consistently approach these time-suckers with loving attention and redirection!<br />
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(5) Somehow, I always have "enough" time to get everything done at work, even when I am sure I will not have enough time to complete everything I've decided to do. So why worry about it, I ask myself? More energy-suckage.<br />
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(6) Reading as a meditation exercise: I find that reading is so easy for me now that I can read without thinking. My inner-voice is quieted as it listens to another voice. I don't have to "think" about what I read - I can just experience it. This is particularly true with fiction. It's kind of how you can lost in a movie. I'm not sure how such a verbal, cerebral activity can calm my monkey mind, but it does.<br />
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(7) I don't really believe in "non-self": I read a fair amount of Buddhist writing and I find myself fighting with this idea of "non-self." If there is no self, why worry about suffering? Why try to end it? <br />
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(8) When anxiety hits, talking to it doesn't work: I noticed this one morning as I was lying in bed, breathing, waiting for the alarm to go off. I thought for half a second "did I leave my keys attached to the cart at Harmon's?" and felt an instant tightness in my chest. And I walked through my memories and distinctly recalled opening the car for the children, then driving the car home, with my keys. My mind was calm, but my heart was still racing, my chest was still tight. All I could do to ease the anxiety/pain was to keep breathing. Equilibrium eventually returned. Then it happened again. I had some anxious thought, instant tightening and pain above my heart. Resolved the matter in my head but my body wasn't done yet. I'm trying to think of ways I can notice my body's reactions to anxiety/stress when I'm in the midst of daily life, instead of just when lying in bed, relatively still.<br />
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(9) How is that I can let my body rest while my mind flies? I have had this "problem" since childhood-my body is exhausted and needs to sleep, but my brain is wide awake. I learned as a child to let my body go dormant, essentially asleep, while my mind flew about where it would. Eventually my brain would drift off, but I got the benefit of more sleep than I "actually" got. My brain has slowed down as an adult but I still have those nights occasionally. I'm grateful that the "totally body rest while mind flies" technique still works for me.<br />
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(10) How stressful it is for me when things don't happen the way I think they will. When I'm expecting something to happen a particular way and it doesn't I get this pang of anxiety (as described in 8). I don't think I can stop the anxiety, it just hits. And I don't think I can stop expecting things. I am slowly releasing my attachment to my ideas of how "things" are "supposed" to be, but what to do with the anxiety in the meantime? Just keep breathing, I suppose.<br />
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What thoughts have you, my beloved readers, been tossing about in your heads?Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1020877267892099946.post-44118206980720768172009-10-22T07:54:00.000-06:002009-10-22T07:54:10.501-06:00Thursday Thank You - Sugarhouse Instacare Edition - OS warning<span style="font-size: x-small;"><i>OS=Over-share. Wev=Whatever.</i></span><br />
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So, I visited the Sugarhouse Instacare Monday evening, due to a week-long gastro-intestinal complaint. I also have some congestion due to a sinus infection and the irritation in my throat related to that makes me cough. Which means I have to wear a mask. Wev. Anyway, my thank you goes out to the Instacare doctors. Even though they can't seem to figure out that having a hysterectomy means your last period was long ago, they are kind and efficient. And they look at me, with my over 30 BMI body, and say, "So, you're generally pretty healthy, right?" YAY!! Yes, as a matter of fact, I am generally healthy, thank you. Thank you for not assuming that fat=unhealthy. Thank you for listening to what I say about my own symptoms and believing me. Thank you for ordering a stool sample when I tell you I've had diarrhea for a week (I know, OS). Thank you for taking care of my beloved body.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1020877267892099946.post-42752518185634511762009-10-20T21:28:00.001-06:002009-10-20T21:46:50.625-06:00Tuesday Ten: Some Favorite Spiritual Books<span style="font-size: small;">This is a beginning list, selected from my personal library in the past few weeks. Please understand that this is just the barest beginning of a list of favorite spiritual books. I am sure to add to the list in later posts.<br />
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(1) The Celtic Spirit: Daily Meditations for the Turning Year<br />
Caitlin Matthews, Harper San Francisco 1998<br />
<i>These daily meditations sustained me through some dark times - they were different enough from the spirituality of my childhood, yet resonant enough with my cultural heritage, to assist me in finding new connections with the divine.</i> <br />
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(2) Truth or Dare: Encounters with Power, Authority, and Mystery<br />
Starhawk, Harper San Francisco 1987<br />
<i>Starhawk is by far my favorite feminist pagan author. This book assisted me in seeing how our relationships with one another in community impacts our spirituality. It further clarified the meaning of unrighteous dominion and gave me powerful ideas of how to resist such uncalled for authority.</i><br />
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(3) Cries of the Spirit: A Celebration of Women’s Spirituality<br />
ed. by Marilyn Sewell,Beacon Press 1991<br />
<i>This is a lovely book that can be dipped into over and over again at your leisure. Haunting wonderful poems, stirring quotations. Another book that sustained my heart during times of crisis.</i><br />
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(4) The Book of Blessings: New Jewish Prayers for Daily Life, the Sabbath, and the New Moon Festivals<br />
Marcia Falk, Beacon Press 1996<br />
<i>I never understood the power of multiple daily ritual prayers until I read this. The book is also beautifully designed.</i><br />
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(5) Buffalo Woman Comes Singing<br />
The Last Ghost Dance: A Guide for Earth Mages <br />
Brooke Medicine Eagle, Wellspring/Ballantine 1991 & 2000<br />
<i>A powerful, personal account and an amazing journey into semi-new-age Native American spirituality. The two books should be read together, in my never-to-be-confused-for-humble opinion.<br />
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(6) Why the Church is as True as the Gospel<br />
Eugene England, Bookcraft 1986<br />
<i>This is the first book by Brother England that I read. The titular essay kept me from leaving the Church in high school and calls me to repentance still.<br />
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(7) Dialogues with Myself: Personal Essays on Mormon Experience<br />
Eugene England, Orion Books 1984<br />
<i>This is the 2nd book by Brother England that I read. Brother England is the reason I went to BYU (seriously, THE reason). I miss his voice, his compassion, his wisdom. I have truly never met anyone else like him.<br />
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(8) To Heal a Fractured World: The Ethics of Responsibility<br />
Rabbi Jonathan Sacks, Shocken Books 2005<br />
<i>This book was my introduction to Rabbi Sacks. This is an eloquent and impassioned call to service. Rabbi Sacks is gifted at bringing ancient texts to bear upon modern dilemmas and reminds me of the deepest meaning of personal accountability and integrity. </i><br />
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(9) Bonds that Make Us Free: Healing Our Relationships, Coming to Ourselves<br />
C Terry Warner, Shadow Mountain 2001<br />
<i>This book challenges me every time I return to it. I first read the book online, then purchased the hardcover. Dr Warner challenges everyone to see beyond the box of self-delusions and self-justification, and see with eyes unclouded (to quote Princess Mononoke). The most Buddhist Mormon text I know.<br />
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(10) Earthborn, volume 5 of the science fiction series Homecoming<br />
Orson Scott Card, Tor, 1995<br />
<i>Technically not a "spiritual" book, but tackles spiritual issues nevertheless. The series is a retelling of the core ideas and stories in the first few books of the Book of Mormon. Card describes the influence of the Spirit like no other author I know of. Perhaps the sense of "realness" I get from reading the book is the deep "Mormoness" of the book and I don't know how accessible it is to people who are unfamiliar with LDS culture. But I find myself returning to key passages every year or so, just to revisit the feeling that someone I've only met at book-signings somehow understands my deepest spiritual moments.</i>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1020877267892099946.post-48729331285304121562009-10-16T19:03:00.001-06:002009-10-17T08:26:24.796-06:00Thursday Thank You, belated once againMy thank you is going out to Facebook, for helping me reconnect with dear friends and letting me grow to know and love my family more. My sister wrote about something similar in January on <a href="http://rissworld.blogspot.com/2009/01/e-friends-of-specialness.html">her blog</a>. I am glad that Facebook lets me stay in touch easily with the people that I love. <br />
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I'm trying to do these thank yous on Thursdays because Thursdays are sort of a "wrap up" day for me. It's the last day of my four ten work schedule and I tend to write many decisions from the week prior, then prepare for my class the next day. I'm usually tired and ornery, so thinking about what I am thankful for is a good exercise on such days. However, I don't always have enough energy when I get home to actually post my thank you. So, these will likely always be belated.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1020877267892099946.post-13497684552966881052009-10-09T14:45:00.003-06:002009-10-16T19:11:22.779-06:00My tiny review of the new Fables novel is online<a href="http://www.night-flight.com/board.htm">Check it out!</a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1