Runnin' Rhino by Allan Faustinofind it at threadless dot com - along with all kinds of great images and t-shirts!!
As you may know, tomorrow is my birthday, and part of my birthday gift to myself was to get an extended palm reading with Margaret Ruth. She is currently working on a book about palmistry and she is offering free 15-minute palm readings. I strongly encourage everyone within driving distance to take her up on the offer!1 The reading was a lot of fun and Margaret Ruth was, as always, very insightful and enlightening.
She noticed right away that some kind of divine intervention changed my life line from chaotic to clear in my late twenties/early thirties. I could think of two examples - the birth of my boyos which fixes, somehow, my IBS & chronic constipation (please forgive the overshare) and of the premonitions/promptings that made me keep going back for more tests/injections/scans until the doctors finally found the cancer that claimed my uterus. I know that I was following the Spirit/Committee/Higher Self when I knew I had to get pregnant when I did and go to Margy2 for help when I thought I was miscarrying.
The reading gave me insight into my family and my ancestors that I was not expecting. I was overjoyed to feel that I was connected to my ancestors in my gifts of healing touch (like with my hands), artistic/academic expression, and intuitive/psychic insight. It was wonderful to learn that my efforts to heal some of what I was "handed" have been successful and have brought comfort to those on the other side of the veil as well as to myself. I think part of the major change referred to above was also when I stopped trying to "lifestyle change" (never say diet, wink, wink) myself into another body, one that would be more loveable and acceptable and learned that my body is powerful and good, just as it is. I certainly hope that cleared some psychic pain for the large-bodied souls that came before me.
I was a bit surprised to learn that my hands show both a strong leadership/will and a tendency to "bend over backwards" for others. Perhaps it reflects my (non-original) ideas about servant leadership. I am still learning how to lose my false self in service/leadership/love so that my true self can emerge as a source of power & healing. I spend too much time doing what I think others want me to do for them instead of doing what I know I need to do for them. This makes sense in my head, really.
We spent a lot of time trying to figure out how I could clean up my head and heart lines, since they are far more chaotic than my life line.3 And I thought - why can't I use some of that same guardian angel energy on clearing up my (please forgive me for saying this) stinkin' thinkin' and the ever present sense of not being quite what other people want? So, I have been calling out to the ancestors/committee/city of G-d for assistance in this next journey. Anyway, I find that I esteem myself all well and good, but I presume that most other people in the world do not. In other words, I presume that I am not loveable. I have plenty of evidence to convince my head that this belief is not true - but telling my gut? That's a whole other business. I find that just contemplating ways of cleaning out the "gunk" in my heart and head helps. So does reading Byron Katie's, "I Need Your Love, Is That True?" She has great method for ungunking. Keeping up with Havi at fluent self dot com has been tremendously useful as well.
The Side Door
I would love to get some reactions to an interesting dream I had the other night. I was at some kind of old-English style castle/boarding school. All of the "kids" were dressed the same and everything was stonework and ivy. We went outside for a period of time and I wanted back into the castle. I went through a door I thought of as a "secret back way." Unfortunately, though dressed in boarding-school-girl clothing I was actual size (!) and as I walked up the stone stairway the ceiling and the stair got closer and closer together, until the only way through was a small, narrow opening. The opening was such that a non-claustrophobic young child could squeeze through, but tiny enough that, even were I skin and bones, I could not crawl through. I mind-flew back down to the entry to the passageway but of course it was locked. Plus, it was a thick, wooden door that I would not be able to break down. Somehow I knew that there was a side entrance somewhere along the stairway, I just had to find it. I knew it was hidden and that I would have to grope around quite a bit before finding it. I awoke before I found the side door, but with a conviction that it would be found. I think the dream is a wonderful metaphor for where I am right now.
I had a great "oracle" reading at gaian tarot dot com this morning. I asked about the current work upheaval I find myself facing. My opportunity was Lightning (the Tower), which reminds me that major change is an an opportunity for new growth and rebirth, and a chance to reconfigure the deadwood/stuckness/unworking-ness. My challenge was the High Priestess, which represents to me my efforts to access the deep intuitive knowing and wisdom that leads me to what I really need. My resolution was the World - best card ever! I know that whatever happens, if I listen to my deepest knowing I will be where I am needed and all will be well. I recall when we first moved to Utah and I despaired of finding work that meaningful. I was told quite strongly that what job I found did not matter - what mattered was that I bring my true self to whatever job I found.
Suggestions and comments dear friends? I would particularly love to hear your thoughts on telling the difference between listening to the Spirit/your Higher Self/the Guides/Committee and talking to yourself.
1 mr at margaretruth dot com
2 Margaret Batson, Certified Nurse Midwife, the best in town in my opinion.
3 I think you will be happy to know, MR, that my son and I went bowling last night and just had fun. Lots of emotional release. And today I've been cleaning my physical environment (1) to get ready for a birthday open house and (2) to get some mental focus and clarity. I'm organizing my house in hopes that will bring some clarity to my brain. I admit to going back to a book though - but I don't think Byron Katie counts! :)