I do not make many decisions from a rational place. Which I realize is a strange thing for a judge to say. I do make my legal decisions from a basically reasoned place. But most of my decisions - like what am I going to do in this little moment - are made from a more intuitive impulse. Mostly I "just know" stuff. Even when I take multiple choice tests - it's like the right answer stands out in a mentally bolder type than others. Sometimes I literally cannot see the other answers. Things I really want and need tend to stand out or look more vivid to me. Take books, for instance.
So, today I went to the library to do something I really needed high-speed Internet to do and I thought, "I should go get that book Havi1 raves about, that one about nonviolent communication" (intuitive impulse one) and of course it's checked out but then I decide to go browse over in that area anyway, even though the library closes in literally five minutes (intuitive impulse two), and I find two books to put by my bed that I've already started to read (intuitive impulse three). To wit:
life is a verb - 37 days to wake up, be mindful, and live intentionally by Patti Digh (in which I have already found several great quotes and one great poem for my humanities class as well as moments of laughter and relaxation into just being me)
Fitting in is Overrated - The survival guide for anyone who has ever felt like an outsider by Leonard Felder (which says so many things I've always thought only nicer and more PhD in psychology-er)
I don't know how to explain how I knew that I needed to check out these particular books, except that their covers just seemed to pop at me and I felt weird leaving without them. I knew from almost 37 years of experience that if I didn't get the books now I would be thinking about them for days and finally get them anyway.
Most of my very good decisions came to me in this way. I referred to some of those very good decisions in my last post. Others include going to BYU just so I could take a class from Gene England and then doing so my very first semester there, reading Gene's "Why the Church is as True as the Gospel" as a teenager in the first place (that was another book-shining-on-the-library-shelf moment), applying for a job with DWS, dropping by the house that is now ours when it was for sale and "just happening" upon the sellers who let us just tour the house at will, going to Milo Bishop's "how to buy your first house" class just a month previously, dropping by another house a month or so before that (which did not become our house) and meeting a realtor who was "just helping out a friend that day" who did become our realtor, saying "yes" to the question, "Would you like an appointment with Sarah Jane, she's really good," (see facebook).
I think we all get the picture.
My intuition is often smarter than my brain. My brain knows it, too, and is always arguing with me in this alternatively snotty then patiently pleading voice. I occasionally give it ice cream and let it watch Digimon (or take a bath), so I can hear myself not think for awhile.
The second thing about me that I've only recently realized is that I'm a helper (the intuitive thing I've been aware of since high school at least). I help people. All. The. Time. Like today, riding in the elevator at the library down to the parking area this woman with a very Castillian accent was asking her gentleman companion how to explain in English that her heart was going very fast. He said he did not know. I gently butted in asking if she meant beating rapidly or accelerating. And just right this moment I'm feeling slightly bad that I didn't think of the term "racing," she would have liked that. She seemed very glad I butted in. Her gentleman friend seemed embarrassed.
At work I help all the time - customers, coworkers, strangers. I don't mean to be rude, but if I know the answer or know where to look for it, I am VERY likely to share. It's just this thing about me that is so intrinsic that I haven't really been aware that not all people are like this until recently. I think I finally noticed this tendency because I've been working on not "fixing" stuff for people, especially when they haven't asked me to and maybe even more especially when they have. I also like fixing stuff. And putting together puzzles and unraveling things. Gives my pattern-crazy mind something to do. :-)
Also, I like cheese. There, that's several things about me.
You might ask why I am writing all this stuff about me. Well, book one that I referred to above, reminded me that were I to suddenly shuffle off this mortal coil, I would like there to be something for my beloved kids to know me by - to know me, not just Mom, but Amanda. And here's one way I am starting to keep a record for them. As the subtitle says - this blog is simply a measure of me.
1Havi Brooks of Fluent Self dot com